♥ Bambi's blog ♥

Project 365: Day 35

2010-02-24T22:54:00.002Z

Day 35 of 365

Rain, rain go away
Come again another day
Or better yet fuck off and leave me alone.

I'm really haeting the rain.

And I've ahad way too much to drink o far tonight/

I feel like shit tbqh.

I want the world tro just leave me alone.

I just want hime her with me now pleas.e

I miss him so mcuh.

xxx

:/

2010-02-24T18:01:00.002Z

Interested in Anyone?
Yes.

Want Someone back in your life?
Kinda I guess.

Have you ever kissed anyone with the names starting with D, A, or J?
I don't think so.

Is the last person you texted mad at you?
No, she loves me ;D

Are there things in your life you will never get over?
Yeah :/

When is the next time you will kiss someone?
27th March.

Do you think things will change in the next few months?
Hopefully.

Was your last kiss drunk or sober?
Sober.

Is there that one person on your mind right now?
Yeah, he's always on my mind though.

Are there some songs you can't listen to because they remind you of someone?
I can listen to them, but I just choose not to usually since I don't want to end up all sad.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone?
Yes I can.

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
No I don't.

Do you remember who you liked 2 months ago?
I do.

Has anyone said they love you in the last week?
Yep, and I love her too.

Has someone ever told you they want to spend the rest of their life with you?
Yeah :/

Where did you get the underwear your wearing?.
Matalan probably.

What do you hear right now?
Neighbours.

Out of the following, what do you feel right now, angry/sad/happy/annoyed?
Angry, sad, annoyed, tired.

Have you dated both sexes?
Oh course ;) my secret lover is a girl.

Who was your most painful breakup with?
None of them were exactly fun :/

Has anyone ever cheated on you?
Yes.

Do you seek approval from your friends before going out with someone?
No I don't.

What are you doing tomorrow?
Seminar, lecture, sleep.

Do you get high a lot?
No.

Has one of your boyfriend's best friends ever tried to get with you?
Yeah :S

Is there anyone who you think you deserve an apology from? And Do you think you'll ever get it?
I don't know, yeah it would be nice I guess.

Who do you think is the most attractive actor?
David Boreanaz.

Can you commit to one person?
Yes.

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?
No. I really wish I had though.

How many sunglasses do you own?
None.

Do you like the taste of beer?
No.

Who's your worst enemy?
I probably am.

What color do you want to dye your hair?
I like it how it is ta. Maybe a bit redder?

Who last texted you?
My lover. Becki ;D

Have you ever tried to break someone up?
Yes. And I succeeded.

What did your last text say?
"Ive had that migraine since saturday / sunday. Mums got one too. And good :) love you xxx"

Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property?
No.

Are you a dog or cat person?
Cat. But I do love both.

What were the last words you said to your Dad?
I don't remember.

Do you ever think about the past?
Yeah I do :/

Does anyone know your password besides you?
I don't think so. But tbh it's probably not hard to guess for someone who knows me well.

What are you listening to?
Neighbours.

Last person you rode in a car with?
Dad and Jess.

You've taken fifteen shots of vodka, what are you doing?
Dying? I don't know, I should try that some time.

Are you stubborn?
Yes I am.

Is there anyone holding a grudge against you?
Maybe?

What were you afraid of the most when you were a kid?
I'm not sure. Probably being alone or something.

When was the last time you completely broke down?
Last night :/ and I've not been all that much better today.

You're locked in a room with the person you last kissed, any problems?
No. Right now I would love nothing more than to be anywhere with him.

Are you wearing a ring?
Yes.

Are any of your friends virgins?
Yep.

What were you doing at 11:00 last night?
Talking to Becki.

Have you ever thought about getting your tongue pierced?
I have. I decided not to.

What are you sitting on right now?
A chair...

Which color: orange or red?
Red.

Last time you got let down?
Recently-ish.

Are you lying to yourself about something?
Maybe?

Is your bathroom clean?
I don't have a bathroom of my own.

Who did you last share a taxi ride with?
Lucy and Pippa and Holly and Stacey. I think.

What were you doing at 12 this afternoon?
I was in a lecture.

What did you dress up as for Halloween?:
I didn't dress up.

Are you single?
No.

If I looked on the bed next to you, what would I find?
Duvet, some clothes I need to put away...

Do you go to the bathroom with the door open?
No.

Are your underwear and socks folded in your drawer or just thrown in?
Just thrown in.

Sleep on your back or stomach?
On my side.

Are you a cuddler?
Yes.

What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?
Some junk.

Something that happened today that made you angry?
Things happen :/ I'll get over it.

What were you doing before this survey?
Watching Glee with Stacey.

What will you do after the survey?
I don't know.

Marriage or living together?
Live together, then marriage.

What shirt are you wearing now?
A blue one from Primark.

Do you sing?
Not well.

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
I try to hide them.

is there something you regret and wish you could take back?
Yes.

First thing you do when you wake up?
Check the time.

It's midnight. Who are you texting?
Noone.

Honestly, if you could have ANYONE in the world, who would it be?
Gary please.

You need a new pair of jeans, what store do you go to first?
New Look.

How many TRUE best friends do you have?
A couple.

What would you change about your life right now?
A few things would be good.

What’s the best feeling in the world?
Being with Gary.

Project 365: Day 34

2010-02-23T22:59:00.002Z

Day 34 of 365

Me and Becki planned this thing. And it's all going ahead, and it should be really good. But this other girl has wormed her way into and is trying to take credit for our thing. I'm so annoyed with it. Now Becki doesn't want to be a part of it anymore. It's all gone wrong.

God, I miss him so much.

xxx

Project 365: Day 33

2010-02-22T21:50:00.003Z

Day 33 of 365

♥

I'm like really hyperly happy atm. It's a wonderful feeling.

And I'm listening to an amazing song by Imperia called Queen Of Light.

Good times (Y)

xxx

Project 365: Day 32

2010-02-21T23:59:00.000Z

Day 32 of 365

I almost forgot to post one today :O even though I'd taken it...

I have like nothing to say though lol.

xxx

CSI = complete LOVE

2010-02-21T18:15:00.002Z

Quick! Chinese or Mexican?
Neither.

How many significant others have you had in your WHOLE life?
Honestly the only one I've really cared about and wanted to be with all the time is who I'm with now.

I have to ask: What does the last text you received say?
"Am stil hvin 1 lol x"

How about the last text you sent?
I'm not to sure, I don't save messages I send.

Have you shared any kisses today?
No.

Did the last person you kissed have soft lips, or were they kind of crusty?
Soft lips.

Do you think your life will be any different a year from now?
Yeah probably.

How many windows are in your bedroom?
Three in this one. None in my one at home.

Have you ever been in a fist fight?
Yeah.

When was the last time you went to the doctor?
Years ago.

Are you going out of town anytime soon?
Nope.

Do you hate your ex?
Nah.

When are you going to get a haircut?
I don't know.

Can you fit your hand around your wrist?
Yes.

Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
...Yes.

When was the last time you applied chapstick?
Earlier.

Are you a coffee person or a tea person?
Tea. But I love coffee too.

Do you have a weird laugh?
I don't think so.

What kind of deodorant do you wear?
Dove.

Do you have videos on YouTube?
I do. But they're not of me though. The Brink ftw.

When's the last time you had a phone conversation for more than ten minutes?
A few nights ago.

Do you laugh at inappropriate times?
Yeah I do sometimes.

What's your fast food restaurant of choice?
La Mama's pizza.

All the people you've kissed, what did their names start with?
The important one is G :D None of the others are worth writing.

Are you in any kind of pain right now?
Kinda, but nothing major.

Are you the jealous type?
Not really.

What did you and your ex fight about most?
Everything.

Do you have a foot phobia?
No.

Well, are you a germaphobe?
No, but I like things to be clean.

Do you get frustrated easily?
Sometimes.

Don't you love long hugs?
Yes I really do.

And long kisses?
Yes.

Have you ever purchased condoms?
No.

Do you have a dirty mind?
Kinda.

What's your favorite soda?
Nice ones.

Do you check the mail everyday, or somebody else?
Nope, not everyday.

Did you think braces were cool when you were little?
No.

Do you ever go without makeup or doing your hair?
I do sometimes.

Put your iTunes on shuffle RIGHT NOW and tell me the first song it plays.
It's currently on Tu by Shakira.

What is the last song you added to your iTunes library?
I don't actually have iTunes.

Are you embarrassed by any of the songs in your iTunes?
No.

When was the last time you were sick?
Over Christmas holiday.

Did you get anybody else sick?
No.

Have you had your flu shots?
No.

What brand is your camera?
FujiFilm FinePix S8000fd.

Do you like raisins?
Sometimes.

Who was your valentine this year?
Gary. And Becki ;)

When did you first kiss the last person you kissed?
15th December 2009, after our first date.

And when did you last kiss the last person you kissed?
1st January 2010, the last time I saw him.

Did you borrow that shirt from somebody?
I'm not wearing a shirt.

What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
My finger.

Do you like to swim?
I can't swim.

How many vacations have you been on in the past year?
None.

Have you ever gone on vacation with your boyfriend/girlfriend?
No, but I would love to.

Are you supposed to be doing homework, young man/lady?
No I'm not.

Do you have to wake up early tomorrow?
Yeah I do.

Do you have any prescriptions currently?
Nope.

Are you upset about anything?
This CSI episode is slightly upsetting :(

Project 365: Day 31

2010-02-20T21:42:00.003Z

Day 31 of 365

The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown. Been reading it all day. It's a good book :D

I don't really have anything else to say tbh.

xxx

2:05am...why am I still up??

2010-02-20T15:30:00.002Z

You're gonna be asked unique questions, you ready?
Yep.

Next time you will be on a train?
I have no idea; I hate trains.

What does your last text message say?
"Yumyum"

What do you smell right now?
My roses.

When was the last time you punched someone in their face
A while ago.

Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
Most likely.

Do you consider yourself lucky?
I guess?

Are you mad at anyone right now?
Nope.

Where did you get the shirt your wearing?
The Brink...

Are you happy?
Not really.

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
I don't actually know.

Is anything bothering you?
Yeah there's a few things.

What are you craving at the moment?
Nothing.

Do you think that you have made a difference in someones life?
I hope so.

Who was the last person to make you smile?
Gary and Becki.

Is there someone who has made a difference in your life?
Yes :D

Will this weekend be a good one?
It's not been too bad so far thanks.

Where do you want to live when you are old?
Near the beach in a hot place.

Who's the last person you talked to on the phone for over an hour?
Erm...Gary.

Are you afraid of the dark?
Nope.

Are you smart?
Kinda.

What is your favorite number?
2.

Least favorite color?
Brown.

What are you listening to?
Within Temptation - The Promise.

Are you happy with your life right now?
Yeah mostly.

Do you like roller coasters?
Not really.

Do you have a shopping addiction?
Kinda.

What was the last thing you had to drink?
Orange squash.

What was the last thing you watched?
I don't know.

What was the last thing you read?
Book? The Lost Symbol - Dan Brown.
Thing? What is written just there^^

What is the last thing you wrote?
That.

Straight hair or curly?
It's messy atm.

Sang in front of a crowd?
Yes *ashamed face goes here*

Wanna get married?
Yeah, one day.

Last time you really laughed?
I'm not really sure.

Do you drink milk straight from the carton?
Yeah I do. It's not like other people use my milk lol.

Who knows a big secret about you?
Erm very few people. Well probably just the one that I've told, so him.

How long is your hair?
Not long enough.

What did you have for breakfast?
Nothing.

What instant messaging service do you use?
Msn.

Can you cook?
Not very well.

Did you have a nap today?
Yeah. I didn't mean to though.

Do you have someone you can count on for anything?
Yes.

What is your goal career?
I honestly have no idea atm.

Who do you hate?
Just the one person.

Can you speak french?
Sorta.

Are you in any kind of pain?
Not really.

Do you like to cuddle?
Yes I do.

Do you like raisins?
Sometimes. I don't know why, but I don't always like them lol.

Grapes?
Yes.

How are you doing?
Okay thanks.

What are you excited about?
Summer :D Seeing Gary :D

The last person you kissed wants you to be theirs, what do you say?
I am his already :)

Do you find it hard to trust others?
Yes..

Are you nice to everyone?
I try to be. Except to the people I don't like.

What do you usually do when the clock turns 11:11?
I never normally notice...

What are you wearing on your feet?
Nothing.

What is the last thing someone bought you?
I actually have no idea :/

Who was the last person you texted?
I think it was Zoe. Or Tim.

Do you think you're wasting your time on the person you like?
No.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?
Yes.

Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
Yes :)

Are you taller than 5'5"?
Nope.

Have you ever liked someone older than you?
Yes :)

Are you a patient person?
I can be at the right times.

Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn't?
Probably.

Do you use chapstick?
Yeah.

Are you afraid to grow up?
Nope.

Do you have a best friend?
I doo :)

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a C?
I don't think so.

Does it bother you when people respond to you with one word?
Sometimes, especially if it requires more of an answer than that.

Where were your hands last night at 11pm?
They were with me. Like they always are...

Does it bother you when people try to make you jealous?
No it doesn't.

The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?
A few times.

Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?
34 days time.

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
Yes I do.

Do you have feelings for anyone, and if so, do they know?
Yes. And he knows. I only tell him like several times a day :D

Who were you with last night?
I wasn't with anyone :(

200 questions...

2010-02-19T20:11:00.002Z

200: My middle name is:
Kimberly.

199: I was born in:
Queen Elizabeth Hospital.

198: I am really:
Bored? Tired?

197: My cell phone company is:
O2.

196: My eye color is:
Bluey green.

195: My shoe size is:
Six.

194: My ring size is:
I have no idea, it doesn't say on my ring.

193: My height is:
5 foot 2/3ins.

192: I am allergic to:
Nothing.

191: My 1st car was:
Invisible.

190: My 1st job was:
Non-exitent.

189: Last book you read:
The Last Symbol - Dan Brown.

188: My bed is:
Over there *points* and it's comfy.

187: My pet:
Are all gorgeous.

186: My best friend:
Means the world to me.

185: My favorite shampoo is:
Nice smelling ones :)

184: AIM name:
I don't have AIM.

183: Piggy Banks are:
Cute. But mine's a teddy bear.

182: In my pockets:
I don't have pockets.

181: On my calendar:
The one I have here is fairies. My one at home is the sexiest women in metal.

180: Marriage is:
A good idea for people who are committed and love each other.

179: Sponge Bob can:
Erm...I don't really like Sponge Bob, so I have no idea...

178: My mom:
Is my mum...

177: The last three cd's I bought were:
Otep - Smash The Control Machine.
The Brink - Stripped.
And another one that I don't remember.

176: Last YouTube video watched:
Erm something Nik sent me.

175: How many cousins do you have?
*Counts on fingers* Nine.

174: Do you have any siblings:
Yes I do. 2 sisters and a brother.

173: Are your parents divorced:
I wish.

172: Are you taller than your mom?
Yep.

171: Do you play an instrument?
I play awesome Xylophone ;)

170: What did you do yesterday:
Lecture and work :O

I Believe In:
Angels. Oh wait, that weren't a question...Oops.

169: Love at first sight:
Nope.

168: Luck:
No.

167: Fate:
Kinda.

166: Yourself:
Sometimes.

165: Aliens:
It would be naive not to.

164: Heaven:
Yes.

163: Hell:
Yes.

162: God:
Not in the traditional sense, but yes.

161: Horoscopes:
Haha noo.

160: Soul mates:
Yes.

159: Ghosts:
Not really.

158: Gay Marriage:
Yep.

157: War:
War sucks.

156: Orbs:
What's an orb?

155: Magic:
JUST BECAUSE I'VE NOT TRANSPORTED TO LA YET, DOESN'T MEAN MAGIC DON'T EXIST :D

Which is Better

154: Hugs or Kisses:
Both :)

153: Drunk or High:
Drunk.

152: Phone or Online:
Phone.

151: Red heads or Black haired:
Red heads.

150: Blondes or Brunettes:
Brunettes.

149: Hot or cold:
Hot.

148: Summer or winter:
Summer.

147: Autumn or Spring:
Spring.

146: Chocolate or vanilla:
Vanilla.

145: Night or Day:
...Both?

144: Oranges or Apples:
Oranges.

143: Curly or Straight hair:
Straight on me.

142: McDonalds or Burger King:
Neither.

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate:
Milk.

140: Mac or PC:
PC.

139: Flip flops or high heals:
Heels. Except at the beach, then it would be flippy flops.

138: Ugly and rich OR Sexy and poor:
Sexy and poor.

137: Coke or Pepsi:
Coke.

136: Hillary or Obama:
Obama.

135: Burried or cremated:
Cremated.

134: Singing or Dancing:
Dancing.

133: Coach or Chanel:
Err...

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks:
I don't know who they are...

131: Small town or Big city:
Small town.

130: Wal-Mart or Target:
Neither.

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler:
I don't know.

128: Manicure or Pedicure:
Manicure.

127: East Coast or West Coast:
East.

126: Your Birthday or Christmas:
Birthday :D

125: Chocolate or Flowers:
Flowers.

124: Disney or Six Flags:
Disney. Because I don't know what Six Flags is.

123: Yankees or Red Sox:
Pass.

Here's What I Think About

122: War:
Hate it.

121: George Bush:
Hate him

120: Gay Marriage:
It's perfectly fine (Y)

119: The presidential election:
Blah.

118: Abortion:
I hate it.

117: MySpace:
It's a bit boring.

116: Reality TV:
Really don't like it.

115: Parents:
:)

114: Back stabbers:
Twats.

113: Ebay:
Addictive.

112: Sex:
It's something for people in a relationship...

111: Work:
I never want to hav a job.

110: My Neighbors:
I hate the one I have here. But at home, they're lovely.

109: Gas Prices:
Rediculous.

108: Designer Clothes:
Waaay too expensive.

107: College:
Never been.

106: Sports:
Hahaha.

105: My family:
Love them <3

104: The future:
Gunna be good (Y)

Last time I

103: Hugged someone:
Too long ago.

102: Last time you ate:
Not that long ago.

101: Saw someone I haven't seen in awhile:
The people here I see like everyday...So it'll be in like 36 days the next time I see someone I haven't seen for a while.

100: Cried in front of someone:
Yes.

99: Went to a movie theater:
Wednesday.

98: Took a vacation:
In like year 6...

97: Swam in a pool:
Years and years ago.

96: Changed a diaper:
Never.

95: Got my nails done:
Ages ago.

94: Went to a wedding:
Couple years ago.

93: Broke a bone:
Never.

92: Got a peircing:
Like 5 or so years ago.

91: Broke the law:
I'm not sure.

90: Texted:
Couple days ago...I should start texting more again.

MISC

89: Who makes you laugh the most:
Niko.

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is:
I miss Gary.

87: The last movie I saw:
Valentine's Day.

86: The thing that I'm looking forward to the most:
Seeing Gary.

85: The thing im not looking forward to:
Having to say 'goodbye' to Gary again.

84: People call me:
Dayle...

83: The most difficult thing to do is:
Erm...

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket:
No I haven't.

81: My zodiac sign is:
Leo.

80: The first person i talked to today was:
Lorraine I think.

79: First time you had a crush:
Bloody ages ago.

78: The one person who i can't hide things from:
Michael...ugh I hate it.

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking:
Not that ong ago.

76: Right now I am talking to:
Adan.

75: What are you going to do when you grow up:
I have no idea.

74: I have/will get a job:
Haha as if.

73: Tomorrow:
Is Saturday.

72: Today:
Is Friday.

71: Next Summer:
Is gunna be amazing.

70: Next Weekend:
I don't know.

69: I have these pets:
2 cats and a dog.

68: The worst sound in the world:
Nails down a chalkboard :S

67: The person that makes me cry the most is:
Gary :/

66: People that make you happy:
Gary <3 Family, and friends.

65: Last time I cried:
Not that long ago.

64: My friends are:
The most amazing people.

63: My computer is:
A laptop...

62: My School:
Peckover Primary. Clenchwarton CP. St Clement's High. And Spalding Grammar.

61: My Car:
I don't have one.

60: I lose all respect for people who:
Lie.

59: The movie I cried at was:
My Sister's Keeper.

58: Your hair color is:
A redish sorta colour.

57: TV shows you watch:
Bones. NCIS. CSI. Gilmore Girls. Etc.

56: Favorite web site:
facebook.com

55: Your dream vacation:
Anywhere with Gary <3

54: The worst pain I was ever in was:
When my knee is playing up.

53: How do you like your steak cooked:
Properly?

52: My room is:
At home it's in the loft.

51: My favorite celebrity is:
Shakira. Emilie Autumn. Gary Connor ;)

50: Where would you like to be:
Hollywood.

49: Do you want children:
Maybe one day.

48: Ever been in love:
I don't think so.

47: Whos your best friend:
I have a few.

46: More guy friends or girl friends:
More guy.

45: One thing that makes you feel great is:
Gary.

44: One person that you wish you could see right now:
Gary.

43: Do you have a 5 year plan:
I don't even have a 5 month plan.

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die:
I'm only 18...no.

41: Have you pre-named your children:
No.

40: Last person I got mad at:
I'm not too sure.

39: I would like to move to:
I don't really know.

38: I wish I was a professional:
Brink roadie.

My Favorites

37: Candy:
I don't have one.

36: Vehicle:
Triumph.

35: President:
Don't have one.

34: State visited:
Never visited a state.

33: Cell Phone Provider:
O2.

32: Athlete:
Err...

31: Actor:
David Borenaz.

30: Actress:
Emily Deschanel.

29: Singer:
Shakira :D

28: Band:
The Brink ;)

27: Clothing Store:
New Look.

26: Grocery Store:
Any cheap one.

25: TV show:
Bones.

24: Movie:
I looove My Sister's Keeper.

23: Website:
facebook.com

22: Animal:
Cats.

21: Theme Park:
Never been to one.

20: Holiday:
I've only ever had one. In Wales.

19: Sport to watch:
Cricket.

18: Sport to play:
Used to be basketball until I screwed my knee up.

17: Magazine:
Glamour.

16: Book:
Anything by Cecilia Ahern.

15: Day of the week:
Saturday.

14: Beach:
Happsburgh.

13: Concert Attended:
The Brink at Elme Hall.

12: Thing to cook:
I don't cook.

11: Food:
Pasta.

10: Restaurant:
Don't have one.

9: Radio Station:
KL:FM.

8: Yankee Candle scent:
...

7: Perfum:
Britney ones.

6: Flower:
Daisies.

5: Color:
Purple.

4: Talk Show host:
Don't have one.

3: Comedian:
Michael McIntyre.

2: Dog Breed:
I like loads of dogs.

1: Are you ready for this survey to be over?
YES.

Project 365: Day 30

2010-02-19T19:57:00.001Z

Day 30 of 365

Yeah I really don't know.

I feel kinda terrible. And my back hurts like hell.

I MISS YOU.

:(

xxx

Because it's 14:19 and I have nothing to do

2010-02-19T13:45:00.002Z

Are you ready to answer these questions honestly even if it starts to get hard?
Yes.

How many drugs are in your system?
None that I'm aware of.

The person who hurts you the most calls & needs you, do you go?
No.

Is it easy to pretend everything's okay for you?
Yeah it is most the time.

Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to on the phone?
Well tbh I don't really know the receptionist guy, I don't even know his name BUT he did give me roses even if he did say they weren't from him...I would miss him terribly.

Do you think you are a good person?
Most of the time.

What do you want right this second?
Gary Gary Gary. Failing that, I would like him to come online.

Do you think it makes him weak if a guy cries?
No I don't.

Have you done something recently that you regret?
Kinda, but not really.

Is it ever too late to apologize?
Nope.

You're thinking about someone, aren't you?
ALWAYS.

Have you ever laid on a bed and stayed there for no reason at all?
Yeah.

Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?
Yep.

Do you wish someone would turn up at your front door right now?
Gary? Please?

What's under your bed?
Junk.

Has someone ever called you handsome?
Haha no.

What is on your mind?
Gary. And Epica.

Are you close to your father?
I guess so

Are you one of those people who hate crying in front of others?
Yes I am.

Are you happier now or three months ago?
Now.

Has anyone ever wanted you back after they left you?
Yes.

Is there that one guy/girl that you'll always have feelings for no matter what?
I hope so.

What do you spend most of your money on?
Alcohol. And uni stuff.

Do you like winter time?
No.

Are your eyes the same color as your dad's?
I think so.

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
Most likely.

What do you say during awkward silences?
Sooooo...

Is anyone that you know celebrating their birthday today?
I don't think so.

Honestly, if you could go back three months and change something would you?
Nope.

Have you ever given up on someone, but then went back to them?
Yeah.

Can you count your serious relationships on one hand?
Yes.

Have you ever gotten burnt by a cigarette?
No.

Are you happier now than you were five months ago?
Yeah I think so.

Would you go in public looking like you do right now?
I have been

Can you commit to one person?
Yes I can.

Does your profile song have any personal meaning?
I have no idea what it actually is tbh.

Do you tend to make things complicated?
I do. But I try not to.

Do you like to hold hands?
Yes I do.

Would you be shocked if the last person you kissed texted you right now?
Yes. Because it's only like 6:12am where he is. Plus we don't text while he's there.

When is the last time someone of the opposite sex gave you a hug?:
Not sure.

Are you the type of person who likes to be out or home?:
Out. I loooove being out.

Best thing that happened to you this week?:
Err...I enjoyed my day ou with friends on Wednesday.

Who do you feel the most comfortable around?:
Jess.

Is there a difference between love and in love?:
Yes.

Are you currently talking to/texting/instant messaging anyone?:
Nope.

Have you ever fallen asleep in someone's arms?:
Yes I have.

When was the last time you received flowers?:
Valentine's Day :D

Does anyone think you're cute?:
I have no idea.

If the last person you kissed broke your heart, what would you do?
:(

Have you ever kissed someone you weren't dating?
Yeah.

You are getting ready to go to bed, and the last person you kissed shows up, what do you do?
Tell him to join me in bed ;) haha I'd be soo surprised if he turned up.

Are you wearing short shorts?
No.

Do you miss anyone?
Yes.

What are you drinking?
Nothing.

Did anything dramatic go down yesterday?
Nope.

Are you afraid to stay home all alone?
No.

Does the person you like, like you back?
Yes :)

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
I do.

How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking?
Not all that often. Only if I know I shouldn't say something.

Have you ever cried cause you were so mad?
Yes.

Did you sleep alone last night?
Yes.

Have you ever felt lonely?
Yes :(

How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
Maybe 6?

What color is your shirt?
Piiiiink :)

What do you hear?
Epica - Unleashed.

Are you sitting or standing?
Sitting.

Do you have clothes in your closet that are not yours?
Not here. But probably at home.

Have you ever been called babe, baby or honey?
Yepp.

What's something you cannot wait for?
Summer :D and seeing Gary in 36 days.

You see your ex and he/she tells you he/she misses you & you say?
Hahaha. No you don't.

Has a boy/girl put their arm around you the past 5 days?
No :(

Project 365: Day 29

2010-02-18T20:14:00.001Z

Day 29 of 365

I thought it looked pretty :D

xxx

I WANT YOU

2010-02-18T19:56:00.002Z

How many boyfriends have you had in 2010?
One. And I'm only going to have one :)

Do you know your Social Security number by heart?
No.

Do you know what you're going to put as the subject of this?
Not yet.

What is the lowest grade you have right now?
It'll be the Criminal Justice exam result that I haven't had back yet.

Who is your favorite Jersey Shore castmate?
...

When was the last time you painted your room?
It's not been painted since I moved into it about 5 years ago.

How often do you buy new makeup?
Whenever I need it.

How often do you take MySpace surveys?
Too often probably.

What is the age of the last person you kissed?
23.

Can you curse around your parents?
Not really.

Do you feel your life is at it's best?
Not right now.

Do you believe in love?
Yes I do.

Do you regret anything about your past?
Just a few things.

What do you worry about the most?
Err nothing of importance.

Do you have any friends with "benefits"?
Nope.

Do you like beer? If so, what one?
No.

Do you believe "Once a cheater, always a cheater"?
That's probably true for most people, but not for all; people can change.

Any feelings for anyone?
I have feelings for a lot of people, not all good though.

Whats your favorite color?
Purple.

4 months ago, who did you have a crush on?
The guy who's now my boyfriend :D

The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?
Just a few.

Do you find smoking unattractive?
Kinda.

Have you ever let someone be your everything and ended up getting screwed over?
Yes.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
Yeah :)

Is the last person you kissed older than you?
Yes.

Do you believe in kissing when you're not together yet?
Yes, but nothing more than that if you're not together.

Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?
Gary <3

Honestly, do you bite your nails?
I do. It's bad.

What's the last compliment you received?
T'was from the gorgeous boyfriend...something about being the most beautiful girl of his dreams :D

Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friends?
Yep.

Would you consider your parents to be strict?
They used to be, but not so much for me now.

If your ex said they hated you, what would you say?
Well tbh I would expect nothing different from him.

Project 365: Day 28

2010-02-17T20:07:00.002Z

Day 28 of 365

Is it cheating if it's not actually a photo? Well I don't care if it is tbh. I watched this today with some friends and I loved it :)

And I love Taylor Swift ♥

Just wish I was watching it with Gary since I know he wanted to see it because of his love of Taylor Swift as well lol.

♥

xxx

Project 365: Day 27

2010-02-16T20:54:00.003Z

Day 27 of 365

It's my boyfriend's birthday today!! 23 years old :) I really should be there with him today, celebrating. But I won't see him for another 39 days :(

I've done barely anything today, so the picture was hard to do. But I did watch this film earlier, and I do love it. So it seemed like a logical thing to do.

I passed my psychology exam; 58. I only needed 12 on it to pass psychology lol so I'm very happy with that.

xxx

Project 365: Day 26

2010-02-15T22:44:00.001Z

Day 26 of 365

Sooo...self portrait today, to show off the redness of my hair.

I love it :D

xxx

A few hours sleep would be good about now.

2010-02-15T13:03:00.002Z

Who's in your facebook profile picture with you?
Gary.

Who was the last person to send you a text message?
Becki.

Has anyone seen you in your underwear this past month?
Not that I'm aware of.

Are you an emotional person?
I can be pretty emotional.

Do you like to wear dresses?
I doo.

What are you wearing right now?
Jeans, Slipknot tee and my dressing gown.

So, you have brown eyes?
Nope.

If somebody liked you, would you want them to tell you?
No, I'm happy with who I'm with so it would be so pointless me knowing.

Would you like to put a night on repeat, and live it forever?
I would. I'd like to have that last night with Gary repeated over and over :)

Ever done your makeup in class?
Yep.

Can a boy and girl be friends without having feelings for each other?
Of course.

Is there anyone you wish you could be spending time with right now?
Yes.

Will your next kiss be a mistake?
Nope.

Can you commit to one person?
Yes I can.

Do you have an alarm clock to wake you up?
I use my phone's alarm.

Is the taste of beer good to you?
No, but I'll drink it though if there's nothing else...or if it's free...

Are you expecting a phone call?
No I'm not.

Can you walk in a straight line when you're sober?
Not really.

Facial hair on guys: yes or no?
Yes, but it has to look nice.

Do you like your hair?
I do right now.

Who was the last person you had a serious conversation with?
Gary.

Do you like going to parties?
I do sometimes.

Were the last people you hung out with older or younger than you?
Older.

Describe how you feel right now in one word?
Tired.

Did you have a better day yesterday or today?
Yesterday.

Who are the last four males you talked to?
Some randomer who's name I don't remember, Gary, Dad and Jake.

Who sits behind you in math?
I don't do maths.

When will your next kiss be?
Ages from now.

Do you hate when people put "I love you" on their profiles?
No I don't.

Are you in a relationship right now?
Yes :)

Where was your last kiss?
Outside my house.

Would you care if you saw the person you like, kissing someone else?
Yes.

What is the stupidest thing you have ever done?
There's been a few stupid things I've done...

Do you like someone?
Yes.

Your best friend is pregnant - you say?
':O who the fuck is the father!?' Clearly I'd be well nice about it :/

Would you rather be called hot, cute, or beautiful?
Beautiful.

Did you wake up before 8am this morning?
Yeah I did.

Do you wear eyeliner?
Yep.

What's something that's bothering you?
Just a few things atm.

Have you ever been asked out by someone you didn't want to date?
Yes...

Did you ever get caught passing notes?
No, I was waay too careful to get caught ;D

Were you smiling in the last picture taken of you?
Nope.

What was the last song you listened to?
Kelly Clarkson - Behind These Hazel Eyes.

Do you miss anyone right now?
Yes. So much.

When was the last time you smiled?
Earlier.

How late did you stay up last night and why?
Not too late because I had to be up early this morning.

Project 365: Day 25

2010-02-14T14:19:00.003Z

Day 25 of 365

Happy Valentines Day ♥

I got the card with a CD a while ago, like I'd previously mentioned, but getting the roses delivered earlier came as a huge surprise. I'm soo happy :)

I really wish I was with him right now.

I miss him so much ♥

xxx

Project 365: Day 24

2010-02-13T15:02:00.001Z

Day 24 of 365

I've been shoppiiing :)

And spent way too much money doing so. Was definately fun though.

I was so hungover, all that wine last night was clearly a very bad idea lol, but apparently it doesn't matter how rough I feel, I can still have a great time shopping :)

xxx

Project 365: Day 23

2010-02-13T15:00:00.001Z

Day 23 of 365

I did take this yesterday with the aim of uploading it. But I then had a girly night and got very drunk and kinda forgot about it.

Yesterday I started my law module :)

And yeah that's it lol...

xxx

100 Questions...

2010-02-11T22:47:00.002Z

1.PICK OUT A SCAR YOU HAVE, AND EXPLAIN HOW YOU GOT IT?
There's a burn on my arm where my phone rang and made me jump and I burnt myself with my straighteners.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Photos, posters, drawings and the like.

3. WHAT DOES YOUR PHONE LOOK LIKE?
Black and pink and has a dalek sticker on it :D

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
Good music.

5. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT DESKTOP PICTURE?
One of me and my sisters, taken about 15 years ago.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
Gary.

7. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GAY MARRIAGE?
It happens, so it would be stupid not to believe in it.

8. WHAT TIME WERE YOU BORN?
Not a clue.

9. ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL TOGETHER?
Kinda.

10. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
Panic At The Disco - Nine In The Afternoon.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED OF THE DARK?
Nope.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Not really sure tbh.

13. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOUR DO YOU LIKE ON THE SAME SEX?
On the same sex? Erm I like very red hair (Emilie Autumn style) and not too fussed about the eyes, as long as they have a couple.

14. DO YOU LIKE PAINKILLERS?
They taste yucky, but I like that they kill pain.

15. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
Coffee.

17. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I'm not hungry.

18. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
Holly -.-

19. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
I speak Narrfook ;) and a bit of French, Russian and Spanish.

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST GIFT SOMEONE GAVE YOU?
I got a CD for Valentines Day :D

21. DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE?
I do.

22. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
Nope.

23. FAVOURITE FRIEND?
I don't like to choose. But probably Becki.

24 WHAT’S YOUR DREAM CAR?
One with four wheels that works well and is a pretty colour.

25. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTER-LIFE?
I do.

26. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MARRIAGE?
I think it is a great idea, and you should only get married if you are completely committed to that person and you really do love them. You should never rush into marriage, or get married because of any other reasons.

27. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
I would.

28. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
Face-to-face.

29. Say a number from 1-100.
16.

30. BLONDE OR BRUNETTE?
Brunette.

31. WHAT IS THE ONE PHONE NUMBER SHOWS UP ON YOUR PHONE THE MOST?
Gary and Beckii.

32. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
The selfish girl nextdoor to me.

33. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE U.K.?
Nope.

34. YOUR WEAKNESS?
Family.

35. WHAT WAS THE LAST GIFT YOU GAVE?
I gave Gary a CD.

36. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE HOLIDAY?
I've only ever been on one. Wales.

37. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Yep.

38. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE THIS?
Talking to Jakey on faceybook.

39. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Bigger boobs.

40. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
Eyes.

43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
:O break the law.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Anything.

45. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
No.

46. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
Sometimes.

48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVOURITE?
The 8 that don't have burn marks on.

49. WHAT UNDERWEAR ARE YOU WEARING?
Turquoise and lacy ;)

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Sometimes, it's very girly and swirly. Tehe that rhymes.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE VEGETABLE?
Brocolli.

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Yeaah.

53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
I don't have embarrassing CDs. Except possibly The Smurfs...

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Probably not.

55. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
Yep.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
Well yes. Because it's the looks that first make me notice someone, then I find out their personality. If I don't like how they look then I'm not likely to get to know them to begin with.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE YOUR ANGER?
Break things.

58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME? Here.

59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
No I really don't.

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE TOY WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE?
Legoooo :)

61. ARE YOU AFRAID OF GROWING UP?
Nopee.

62. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Yeah.

63. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS?
Yes I am.

64. DOES 11:11 MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?
Yeah it was 23 minutes ago.

66. DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?
Yeah every now and then.

67. WHAT IS THE MOST PAIN YOU HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED?
My knee.

68. DO YOU UN-TIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I would if I had laced shoes.

69. LAST THING YOU SPILLED?
Milk. I always end up spilling milk :/

70. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?
I do. 2 cats and a dog.

71. WHAT IS THE LAST FURRY THING YOU TOUCHED?
Haha, erm I don't really know.

72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE COLOURS?
Purple, green and blue.

73. LAST BOOK YOU READ?
I'm still reading the same Dan Brown book.

74. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
Two I think.

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
I really don't care.

76. WHAT'S YOUR DREAM VACATION?
Somewhere hot with a beach.

77. LAST THING YOU ATE/DRANK?
Irish hot chocolate annd toffee yoghurt.

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
O2.

79. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Eyes and hair.

80. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
Nope.

81. FAVOURITE THING TO HATE?
Holly.

82. FAVOURITE DRINK?
Tea.

83. FAVOURITE ZODIAC SIGN?
Leo.

84. FAVOURITE SPORT?
Basketball.

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOUR?
Dark red.

86. EYE COLOUR?
Blue/green.

87. TALL OR SHORT?
I think I'm kinda shortish.

88. SIBLINGS?
2 sisters and a brother.

89. FAVOURITE MONTH?
August.

90 DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
Never had it before.

91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
NCIS.

92. FAVOURITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
My birthday.

93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
Normally, but I have done it quite a few times.

94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer.

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Relationships.

97. WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
I don't really care.

98. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Most people.

99. IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU?
Of course ;) Lol I actually don't know.

100. BIGGEST FEAR(S)
Feeling alone and a certain person.

Project 365: Day 22

2010-02-11T19:53:00.000Z

Day 22 of 365

My new love ;)

xxx

I have no life?

2010-02-10T23:10:00.002Z

1. What was the highlight of your week?
I've not really had anything special happen yet.

2. Whose car were you in last?
Dad's.

3. When is the next time you will kiss someone?
In roughly 44 days...

4. What color shirt are you wearing?
Black. It's my "The Brink" one :D

5. How long is your hair?
Not long enough.

6. Are you good looking?
I don't think so.

7. Last movie you watched?
Legally Blonde.

8. Who were you with?
Myself.

9. Last thing you ate?
Toast.

10. Last thing you drank?
Orange squash.

11. When was the last time you had your heart broken?
A while ago.

12. Who came over last?
Stacey.

13. Are you happy right now?
I'm not unhappy...

14. What did you say last?
Err...not totally sure.

15. Where is your phone?
Right there *points*.

16. What color are your eyes?
Like a bluey/greeny kinda colour.

17. Are you left-handed?
No.

18. Spell your name without vowels:
Dyl Kmbrly Trghtn.

19. Do you have any pets?
I do. 2 cats and a dog.

20. Favorite Vacation?
I've only ever been on one to Wales when I was 10. So I feel like I kinda have to say that one lol.

21. What do you dislike currently?
The pain in my finger where I burnt it :(

22. What are you listening to?
Nickelback - Far Away.

23. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
Gary.

24. What is your favorite scent?
Cinamon.

25. Who makes you happiest?
Gary.

26. What were you doing at midnight last night?
On facebook, listening to music.

27. When is your birthday?
August 10th.

28. Who has the same phone as you?
Jess.

29. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
Years ago.

30. Do you read your horoscope?
Every now and then. I like to laugh at it.

31. Where was the last place you bought something?
Co-op...

32. How do you feel about your hair right now?
It's wet...

33. Do you bite your nails?
I do.

34. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
Yeah, it was bought for me :)

35. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
^^

36. Myspace or facebook?
Facebook.

37. How fast have you driven a car?
Not very fast.

38. Have you ever smoked?
Oui.

39. What was or is your favorite subject in school?
Psychology, cuz I was with Zoe :)

40. Do you have Verizon?
I don't know what that is.

41. What type of boy or girl do you usually fall for?
Usually? Someone who will treat me like shit and ditch me as fast as they can. This time; someone absolutely amazing and gorgeous.

42. Do you have any hidden talents?
No.

43. Favorite Song?
Atm it's I'll Be There For You by Bon Jovi.

44. Do you like to sing at all?
Like? Yes. Can I? No.

45. Dream Job?
I never want to have a job.

46. Where does most of your family live?
Narrfook.

47. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
I have siblings. 2 sisters and a brother. All younger.

48. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
Nope.

49. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
More sleep please.

50. Do you drink?
I do.

51. Know any other languages?
Kinda. I studied French and Russian at school, and I know some Spanish.

52. Ever write a coded message?
Yep.

53. Have you ever been IN a wedding?
Yeah when I was like 4 years old and thought it actually was my wedding (I was a bridesmaid).

54. Do you have any children?
Not that I'm aware of.

55. Did you take a nap today?
Nope.

56. Who has the same birthday as you?
A few people.

57. Ever met anyone famous before?
My boyfriend ;) His band. Darren Shan :D

58. Do you want to be famous one day?
I want to be the girlfriend of a rock star ;)

59. Any Pet Peeves?
Possibly? I don't know what that means.

60. Are you multitasking right now?
I am.

61. Do you like Britany Spears?
I do.

62. What is your least favorite chore?
Laundry.

63. Last place you drove your car?
I don't drive. Or own a car.

64. Ever been out of the country?
No.

65. Where were you born?
QEII.

66. Could you handle being in the military?
I don't think so.

67. What is your average cell phone bill?
I'm pay as you go, so I don't exactly get a bill...

68. Who are you thinking about right now?
Gary.

69. When was the last time you laughed REALLY hard?
Not totally sure.

70. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
A fair few.

71. Are your toes always painted?
No. I'm actually picturing coloured toes, rather than the nails lol.

72. How many piercings do you have?
Two.

73. What are you doing today?
I had a lecture. I watched Gilmore Girls and NCIS. I did a load of work. Spent a while on facebook. Burned my finger on my toaster...That pretty much sums up my day lol.

74. Have you ever been gambling?
Nope.

75. When is the last time you updated your page?
Myspace? Ages ago.

76. Do you like rollercoasters?
Not really.

77. Have you ever been to disneyland or world?
Nope.

78. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
Bambi<3

79. Last thing you cooked?
Toast haha.

80. How's the weather?
Cold -.-

81. Do you e-mail?
I do.

82. What's the stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
I drop it a lot...

83. Last time you were sick?
A while ago.

84. What states have you lived in?
I'm gunna translate "states" to be "counties". Cambridgeshire, Norfolk, Hampshire.

85. Do you wish you could move?
I can move...

86. Do you take all the QuizPox.com quizzes?
Yes. Obviously. I have no life like that.

87. What is your dream car?
One with four wheels that works. And preferably a nice colour.

88. Have you ever wanted someone you cant have?
Yeah...

89. If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?
The city of the Angels.

90. Are you happy with your life?
I'm not unhappy with it.

Project 365: Day 21

2010-02-10T19:19:00.001Z

Day 21 of 365

I just burned my finger quite badly on the toaster :( It really hurts.

I got slightly bored and cut up a tourist guide and decorated my wardrobe...as you do lol...

xxx

Facebook is stupidly slow tonight.

2010-02-09T23:20:00.002Z

Type the alphabet and stop at the letter of the last person you kissed.
Abcdefg...

Who was the last person you talked to last night?
I think it was Jakey.

Where did your last kiss take place?
Outside my house.

Do you currently have a hickey?
Nope.

Would you consider your parents to be strict?
Yeah, but they're not so bad now thank God.

Have you ever tackled someone to the ground?
Haha yeah.

Is your last name longer than 6 letters?
Yep.

What was the last thing you wore that was black?
I have black underwear on.

Do you say the F word a lot?
No.

Have you kissed anyone with the name starting with a J?
No.

What happened a year ago in this month?
Not all that much. Erm I asked Michael to the Valentines day ball...He said no...So I went with Zoe instead...Skipped that early to go to pub with Michael...Briefly started seeing him...And that's all I can remember from that month.

What's the last thing that went into your mouth?
Chocolate horlicks.

When was the last time you laughed really hard that you cried? And why?
I'm not totally sure tbh.

Who is the first person you see in the morning on school days? Well at the Grammar it was Mr T...but since he is my dad and all I don't think he counts. So usually Zoe or her brother.

Is the last person you kissed more than 2 years older than you?
Yes. He's like four and a half years older.

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a C? If so, who?
No.

What was last thing you drank?
Chocolate horlicks. It's gone cold though :(

Is there a girl that knows everything about you?
There's a girl who knows everything except the past 7ish months...And a girl who knows most things. But no girl knows everything.

Does it bother you when people respond to you with one word?
Yep, especially when you need to hear a bit more than that.

Do you ever wish you were a kid again?
It would probably be fun, but I'm quite enjoying now.

What's your favorite color out of these four..green, yellow, blue, purple?
Purple.

You wake up, all your hair is gone, your first reaction?
:'(

This time last year, do you remember who you liked?
Oh yeah...

Which would be more meaningful to you: I love you a lot, I love you so much?
I love you so much.

How many times have you dyed your hair?
Lots.

If you were kicked out of your home, who would you call?
Gary. Or Zoe.

What's the first thing that pops into your head when you think of last summer?
Beach<3

What was the weather like on your birthday?
So nice :)

Has someone ever made you a promise & broke it?
Yes.

Whose house did you last go to besides your own?
Erm was in Stacey's room the other day...But house? God, that was ages ago...Gary's.

Is your birthday in a winter month?
Nope.

Who was the last person you messaged back on a Myspace message?
I think it was some randomer called David?

What time are you going to bed tonight?
Not too late.

What did the last hoodie/ sweater/ jacket you wore look like?
My SGS leaver's hoodie<3 A longish purple sweater and I probably Gary's jacket since I don't usually wear one.

Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
Yes. Every song I've listened to today reminds me of him, probably because it's the cds he made me lol.

It is okay to kiss people when your single?
Yeah.

Are you in a good mood right now?
Well I'm not in a bad mood...

Do you take compliments well?
Not usually.

When will you kiss the last person you kissed again?
27th March :D lol it's like forever away atm.

Are you happy with the way things are going?
They could be better, but yeah I guess.

Have you introduced the last person you kissed to your parents?
No I haven't yet.

Do you prefer mint, citrus, or cinnamon toothpaste?Mint.

What were you doing at 3 am this morning?
Lying in bed, annoyed with myself for being unable to sleep -.-

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Sitting here watching Gilmore Girls.

What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Sleeping?

Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with?
Nope.

Does anyone call you babe?
Yep.

How old is the oldest person you've kissed?
22. But he's 23 in a week.

Are you listening to music right now?
Yes. Taylor Swift - I'd Lie.

Think back to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them in a car?
Oh yes.

Are you someone's best friend?
Yes.

What's something that bothers you about girls?
They can be such bitches -.-

Project 365: Day 20

2010-02-09T19:02:00.002Z

Day 20 of 365

I've managed 20 days!! Amaaazing!

So tired.

And so bored.

The lecture today was just terrible. Hated it so much. It can only get better from now though, right?

xxx

Project 365: Day 19

2010-02-08T20:51:00.002Z

Day 19 of 365

Happisburgh.

♥

I really want to go there. Like now.

However google claims it will take me 2 days and 20 hours to walk there :0 so I don't think I'll be going there tonight.

Damn I wish I was closer to that gorgeous place.

♥

xxx

I have no idea what to do for my picture today :/

2010-02-08T17:25:00.002Z

If you were in hospital on life support, would the last person you said 'i love you' to come and see you?
I really don't know.

Have you ever met someone who is amazing?
I have.

Is anything on your body currently hurting?
Nopee.

What are you currently listening to?
30 Seconds To Mars - Kings And Queens.

What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Either/both...it's a single bed/

Have you held hands with somebody in the last five hours?
No.

Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
Yes.

How was your day?
It's not been too bad thanks.

Do you find yourself funny?
Sometimes xD

Has anyone ever said they wanted to marry you?
Hmm yes...

Have you ever slept on the floor with the person you like?
Nope.

Were you single on your last birthday?
Yep.

You're locked in an empty room with the person who hurt you most, any problems?
There would be a lot of problems. I would not want to be there.

Did your last kiss take place on a bed?
No.

Do you think flirting is cheating?
No.

What/who made you laugh today?

Do you hate the last girl, other than family, you had a conversation with?
No.

Who was the last person you sat next to in a car?
Dad.

Have you ever cut your own hair?
Haha yeah.

Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yes :/

Do you believe in love at first sight?
No. It's lust at first sight, not love.

Do you believe you should change for someone?
Only small things, nothing drastic.

Do long distance relationships work?
I believe they do.

Are you happy?
Kinda.

Is there someone you don't ever want to be out of your life?
Yes.

Are you drifting away from any friends?
Yeah it sucks.

Do you know anyone who has the same last name as you, that you aren't related to?
I don't know them personally, but I know of some people.

What are your initials?
DKT.

What is your favourite thing to wear?
It changes a looot. Right now I'm happy enough in jeans and tee.

Last thing you ate?
Doughnut.

One place you will NEVER eat at again?
Hmm I have no idea.

Last person you hugged?
I don't know.

Who/What made you angry today?
There was this video of this guy throwing a dog off a bridge. Yeah that was pretty bad and made my cry :'( bastard.

Do you drink beer?
Only when there's nothing else. Or if it's free :D

When you're at the grocery store do you use the self checkout?
Nope.

Have you cuddled with someone you weren't dating?
Yes.

Anyone you would like to get things straight with?
Yeah it would be nice to.

Is there anyone you wouldn't mind punching?
Oh yes.

Do you eat breakfast daily?
No.

Is green your favorite color?
Nope, purrrple :)

Who were you with the last time you went to the movie theater?
I've not been for ages...Gary?

Does someone like you?
Yes.

Do you think someone misses you?
He says he does ;)

Will tomorrow be better than today?
I have no idea yet.

Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Nope. Only two atm.

How many more months until your birthday?
Too many. 6.

Would you ever get a tattoo?
I don't think so.

How many times does the letter 'A' appear in your full name?
Once.

What movie did you last see in theaters?
2012.

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Depends who from. Some people are so oblivious to feelings so it's easy to, but others know me way too well and just know.

How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?
They wouldn't like it.

Will you talk to someone on the phone tonight?
I doubt it.

Lets start with the personals shall we?
Okaay...

Last picture comment was from?
Either Gary or Becki.

Last time you fell asleep in the arms of the opposite sex? Sometime over Christmas at Gary's watching some film...

Ever kissed in the rain?
Yes.

Ever sang to your crush?
Haha no.

Now for the "What you like in the opposite sex"...
Eyes or Smile?
Eyes.

Over- protective or Controlling?
Over-protective; I find that cute sometimes?

Easy going or up-tight?
Easy going.

Sweet or sexy?
Ooh both please.

Jealous or don't care?
Kinda inbetween.

How was your day overall?
Not too bad thanks.

Do you swallow gum when your finished?
Nope.

Did you climb trees when you were young? Yep, I loved doing that with Jess and Nik :)

Who do you miss? My boyfriend. Friends from back home. Great Nanna Milkshake [RIP]. And family.

How many people have you hugged in the past week?
None.

Think of your two last kisses, were they with the same person?
Yes <3

Are you wearring jeans right now?
Yes.

Do you get mad easily?
Depends.

The boyfriend is not online and I have nothing to do...

2010-02-07T22:30:00.003Z

What were you doing at 10:30pm last night?
Was probably in the shower.

Do you enjoy drama?
Not really.

Are you a girly girl?
Depends on my mood I guess.

Who was the last person you hugged?
I don't remember?

Small or large purses?
Small.

Are you short?
Well I'm not exactly tall.

Do you like somebody?
Yes I do ♥

Do you care if your socks are dirty?
Yes I do, I hate it.

Do you think you're conceited?
I don't really know what that means tbh.

Do you dress up on Halloween?
Nope.

Are you double jointed?
Nope.

Weirdest place you've slept?
I'm not sure...I don't really sleep in weird places.

Has anyone touched/smacked your butt in the past 24 hours?
No.

Is there any type of rumor going around about you?
Not that I'm aware of.

Do you call anybody by their last name?
I doo.

How many guys will read this just because it says - Girl Confessions?
I'm not calling it that.

SECTION B:
What color is your bra that your wearing?
Black.

Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?
Generally dark, but my boyfriend is gorgeous blonde.

Are you currently frustrated with a boy?
Kinda, but nothing too major.

Do you have a bestfriend?
I do.

Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yes. It really sucks.

Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?
Yes please.

Do you like your life?
I like parts of it. A few things would be good to change though.

Has one of your friends ever stolen a boyfriend from you?
No.

Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?
Nope.

Do you have more friends that are girls or boys?
Boys. I don't seem to get along with girls much.

How long have you had a facebook?
A few years.

Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?
Yes.

What are your biggest fears?
Feeling alone :( ...A certain person.

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
Yes.

Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
Oh yeah. Like now.

Do you believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater?
No. It may be true for some people, but not all.

Have you ever had a good feeling about something?
Yes :)

Do you ever wish your with your family?
I do sometimes.

Are you currently missing someone?
Yes. So much.

CHOOSE:
Cowboy or Gangster?
Cowboy.

Preppy or Punk/Goth?
Punk/goth.

Face or Body?
Both.

Sweet or Sexy?
Both.

Armani or Abercrombie?
Neither.

Contacts or Glasses?
Contacts.

FOR YOU....
Eyeliner or Mascara?
Eyeliner.

Louis vuitton or dooney & bourke?
Neither. Although I do have a couple Louis Vuitton bags that were presents :/

American eagle or Hollister?
Neither.

Pumps or heels?
Heels.

Skirts or trousers?
Skirts.

Socks or leggings?
Leggings.

Hoodies or jacket?
Hoodies.

Heels or sneakers?
Heels.

Straight or curly hair?
Straight.

Hoop or dangling earings?
Hoop.

White or black?
Black.

Victorias secret or bath and body works?
Victorias secret.

Smoothies or lattes?
Lattes.

Diet or regular sodas?
Regular.

Water or daiquiris?
Water?

Pearls or diamonds?
Diamonds.

Mary-Kate or Ashley Olsen?
Mary-Kate.

iPod or phone?
Phone. I don't own an iPod.

Friends or family?
Family.

Lip gloss or lip stick?
Neither.

Manicure or pedicures?
Manicure.

Tank tops or beaters?
Tank top.

Tiffany’s or Chanel?
Neither.

Love or Peace?
Both.

Sunglasses or purses?
Purses.

IN A GUY...
Funny or Serious?
Both.

Romantic or Daredevil?
Romantic.

Dark Eyes or Light Eyes?
Pretty eyes :)

Long Hair or Short Hair?
Longish.

Curly Hair or Straight Hair?
Either.

Clean-cut or Rough?
A bit of both.

Basketball Player or Football Player?
Bass player ;)

Smoker or Non-smoker?
Non-smoker.

Drunk or Sober?
Sober. But drunk is always fun ;)

Druggie or Clean?
Clean.

Has a Motorcycle or Has a Sports Car?
Motorbike :) I looove a good Triumph.

Player or Loyal?
Loyal.

Project 365: Day 18

2010-02-07T20:15:00.003Z

Day 18 of 365

Day of boredom.

Drawings were done by me, and I know I've made Noddy look fat.

I miss my boyfriend sooo much :(

xxx

Project 365: Day 17

2010-02-06T18:13:00.002Z

Day 17 of 365

I got like no sleep last night, thanks to a very selfish noisy girl next door. I actually hate her, and I don't hate many people...

So I needed to nice fresh air this morning to keep me awake. So down to the beach I went. Unfortunately that wasn't quite enough to keep me awake as I did very nearly fall asleep on the beach :/

On the way back, I came across some gorgeous squirrels. This is the best of my pictures of them. They are so adorable, and I've always wanted to get a decent picture of one. Finally I've succeeded :) I accidently scared them off shortly after I took this one, but it was worth it.

xxx

Project 365: Day 16

2010-02-05T19:44:00.002Z

Day 16 of 365

...

xxx

Project 365: Day 15

2010-02-04T18:22:00.001Z

Day 15 of 365

Such a boring day.

So much so that I don't really have anything to say...

xxx

Project 365: Day 14

2010-02-03T15:46:00.001Z

Day 14 of 365

It's pretty cold outside, and it's really wet. And I still can't walk. But I didn't want to spend today in, so went for a walk down the sea front again. Was so peaceful, since very few other people were about.

This is obviously a self portrait, which kinda messes up me staying annoymous but oh well. That's the harbour behind me, and I just really liked the picture :)

xxx

Project 365: Day 13

2010-02-02T20:35:00.002Z

Day 13 of 365

Pretty and pink <3

My knee is a lot more painful today, so I couldn't go out which sucks. I hate how much it hurts to walk :/

I got writing, was actually really fun, and with that writing came pretty little hearts, pink and red...The writing is pretty personal, but I thought it might give it a good effect to include some of the writing in the picture :)

I don't really have anything else to write for today :/

xxx

Project 365: Day 12

2010-02-01T14:20:00.002Z

Day 12 of 365

Gorgeous day today, so I had to go down to the seafront to take pictures. I got quite a few good ones, but I actually really like this one, so here it is as day 12 :)

I've injured my knee again, so I'm not supposed to be walking. Again. But I really didn't want to stay in today, so I just ignored the pain as I was walking...I don't get why it's suddenly got really bad again over the past few weeks. It really sucks.

I got a Valentines day card for my boyfriend today, even though I won't see him until the end of March I had to get him one. It was soo hard to pick one, they were all too cutesy and lovey, but I got one in the end :) I also got one for my bestest friend, that was a lot easier to pick lol, since cute and lovey is perfect for her.

And I think I'm gunna go back to red hair again later :) It's been a pretty good day.

xxx

Project 365: Day 11

2010-01-31T20:22:00.002Z

Day 11 of 365

There's not really all that much more I can say to add to this. It says exactly what I'm thinking and feeling right now.

xxx

Project 365: Day 10

2010-01-30T15:33:00.002Z

Day 10 of 365

Eventful day.

I'm not even dressed yet. And have spent my day watching Gilmore Girls and drawing, hence the picture.

And all I have to eat is chocolate and biscuits.

It was pointless me getting out of bed.

xxx

Project 365: Day 9

2010-01-29T18:57:00.002Z

Day 9 of 365

Semester One is now officially over.

Except my exam today went so badly, so I may just drink to forget I ever had an exam. This could be interesting.

Ah well I've got a week off now, so that'll be good.

xxx

Project 365: Day 8

2010-01-28T20:10:00.003Z

Day 8 of 365

This is Eeyore. Eeyore is my saviour on days like today where I need an incredibly high caffeine intake to help me stay awake whilst I revise. I ♥ Eeyore a huuuuge amount :)

Omg my amazing boyfriend sent me a Valentines Day card and a CD he made for me before he left for LA, which I got today. Yes, I know it's early and all but I didn't know what it was going to be when I opened it. But it totally made my day and I'm so happy right now and feel so special :)

He clearly put a lot of thought into the CD, the tracks are all soo good:
1)All American Rejects - Move Along
2)Bon Jovi - In These Arms
3)Daughtry - What About Now
4)Nickelback - Far Away
5)Bon Jovi - Everybody's Broken
6)30 Seconds To Mars - Kings And Queens
7)The Calling - Wherever You Will Go
8)Kelly Clarkson - My Life Would Suck Without You
9)Plain White T's - Hey There Delilah
10)Taylor Swift - Teardrops On My Guitar
11)Skid Row - Wasted Time
12)Lifehouse - You And Me
13)Aerosmith - You're My Angel
14)Bon Jovi - Cama De Rosas
15)Papa Roach - Wanna Be Loved
16)Motley Crue - Home Sweet Home
♥

xxx

Project 365: Day 7

2010-01-27T15:48:00.002Z

Day 7 of 365

Nothing will sum today up quite like this picture. God, I miss him already. I can't believe he's going to be in LA for two whole months. It's going to be so strange not talking to him all the time. I really don't know how I'm going to be able to cope not talking to him.

He woke me up at just gone 3 this morning which was the time he had to be up so he could leave for the airport at 4. He then kept me up til about 5 this morning when he decided it was best to let me sleep. And he then re-woke me up at half 9, as he was having to board the plane soon for the 11am flight. So he's only been on the flight for about 5 hours of the 9 and a half hour flight. I hope he's been sleeping on the plane since he clearly got less sleep than me last night.

I miss him so much :'(

I just want him so much.

I've already started counting down the days. Only 59 days until I get to see him again...

xxx

Project 365: Day 6

2010-01-26T21:48:00.004Z

Day 6 of 365

The picture kinda explains itself I think.

I've had to say "goodbye" to Gary for two months.

That's the second "goodbye" we've been through this month, and the second time it's made me cry.

I'm really gunna miss him.

...
...
...
...
...

The exam went well today btw.

xxx

Project 365: Day 5

2010-01-25T20:02:00.002Z

Day 5 of 365

This day has truely sucked. I've hated it so much. So taking a picture to some up my day was always going to be hard to do, but there was no way I was going to miss a day of my pictures. Nothing was just going right today, especially since today was supposed to be a special day with Gary so I couldn't stop thinking about that. And when he called me earlier I was finding it hard not to cry, but I managed to hold it together whilst I was talking to him.

But the conversation ended way to soon and once it did end, I just couldn't stop myself from crying. I really miss him, and in a couple days he won't even be in the same country as me. It's just so hard to be dealing with when all I want is to be with him now.

But it did make it easier to know what to do for my picture even if it is rather depressing. But it's true for how today has been. Although I got a few decent ones, making picking which on to have rather hard to do. But I did finally decide on that one and have a couple of out-takes below.

I just want my boyfriend right now.

xxx

Project 365: Day 4

2010-01-24T22:15:00.003Z

Day 4 of 365

Today it was absolutely bloody gorgeous outside. So I really just wanted to walk down to the beach and take some pictures, but I injured my knee last night so I've spent today unable to walk so I couldn't do that :/ But I still wanted an outdoor picture so I just did one from out of my window.

Today was supposed to be the day I would see my boyfriend, it was all planned out and has been for ages. But because of the car troubles, I'm now not going to be able to see him until Easter :( Two fucking months away. I hate the idea of waiting that long. And he's spending those two months in LA so it's not even like I can text or talk to him on the phone all the time either. These couple months are going to drag by so slowly.

xxx

Project 365: Day 3

2010-01-23T17:27:00.003Z

Day 3 of 365

So today has been pretty boring and pointless. I've not really done anything, in fact, I've spent most of my time in bed today; sleeping and revising. So I was a but stuck for inspiration for a picture for today. But then I thought that it really should be my bed if I wanted to sum up my day properly. Plus I love the brightness of my gooooorgeous dressing down on the bed. So here it is...

xxx

Survey thingy

2010-01-22T18:58:00.003Z

How old were you when you first smoked weed? 17.

Have you ever kissed someone while you were high? Nope.

How many kids do you want to have? 2 or 3 maybe.

Last person you talked on the phone with? Gary.

Will tomorrow be better than today? I have no idea yet.

You've taken fifteen shots of vodka, what are you doing? I'd be unconscious most likely.

If something was wrong, who is the first person you would go to? Either Becki or Gary.

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? Nope.

Ever kissed someone who's name starts with a "C" or "J"? Yes for C.

If you got kicked out, where would you go? Wherever I was welcome. Last time I ended up with mum and her boyfriend -.- hopefully I'd have somewhere better to go if it ever happened again. But it won't though.

You're locked in a room with the last person who was mad at you, what happens? I'm not quite sure who that would be.

Do you hate cuddling? I love cuddling.

Was your New Years Eve terrible? No, I really enjoyed it.

Is the last person you kissed gay? Haha no.

Where will you be 12 hours from now? Most likely here in my room.

How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? Lots and lots :)

Do you like your school? I don't go to school.

Are you taller than 5'7"? Nope.

Last time you saw your Dad? 2nd January.

Do you honestly have any feelings at ALL for anyone? Yes.

Will you talk to someone on the phone tonight? Becki said she would call me whilst at the gig, but I doubt it.

Do you know anyone that smokes weed? Yes.

Would you ever get your hips pierced? I don't think so.

How old will you be in 5 years? 23.

Does anyone call you baby? Becki did the other day.

How's your heart lately? It's not too bad atm.

If someone doesn't like you, its usually because...? I don't generally ask them why tbh.

What happened at 10:00 am today? I was in bed.

Where would you like to live in the future? In a nice house somewhere not too far from the beach.

If you were a waiter/waitress, would you make good tips? Sure ;)

What are you listening to right now? Bones.

Are your parents strict? Kinda.

Favorite color? Purple.

Do you have good vision? Yes.

Where is the one boy/girl you want to see the most right now? Getting ready for his gig.

Do you hate the last guy/girl you were talking to? No.

Last movie you watched? I'm not totally sure.

Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life? I think so.

Did you speak to your father today? Nope.

How has this week been overall? Pretty bad.

What are you thinking about right now? Just stuff.

Do you wish someone was with you right now? Yes, I really do.

How long have you had your current cell phone? Just over a year.

What do you mainly want right now, that would just make your week? I want my boyfriend here.

Have you seen your best friend today? No :(

Who was the last person you hugged? Not sure.

How many piercings do you have? Two.

Do you want anything right now? Yes.

Have you ever had a panic attack? Yes I have.

Are you good at giving directions? Not really.

Do you prefer hot or cold weather? Hot.

Could go out in public looking like you do now?Yep.

Who are you texting right this moment? Nobody right now.

How do you feel when someone kisses you on the forehead? It's cute I guess.

Can you remember the last place you kissed someone? Yes I can.

Project 365: Day 2

2010-01-22T18:40:00.003Z

Day 2 of 365

Well my wanting to do this has actually taken me onto making day two. That's quite impressive for me.

These pictures really won't get very interesting until after my exams are over I doubt, since I'm trying to sum up my day with one picture. And today was spent revising. All day. For my psychology exam. Motivation, Non-verbal Behaviour and Personality. It's thrilling work, honestly!! I do enjoy psychology, but right now I'm hating doing all this revision.

I planned on doing something very artistic today. I was actually feeling really good about this, I wanted to get some work out of the way, but things didn't go quite to plan.

The other day, Gary had some bad news about his trip to America. He wasn't going to find out if he was going for another week, meaning this week he would've been home. Also meaning he would be free at the weekend to spend it with me; Friday to Monday he was going to be here. But today he had some good news, and found out that he actually can go to America next week. On Wednesday. Meaning I won't see him at the weekend since he'll be in a different continent. But he may be able to come down on Monday, for the night. I don't like the maybe part of that. I also don't like how that's the night before my psychology exam. It's just really bad timing for me if he even comes down. So his good news is my bad news :(

I didn't feel so artistic after that...

xxx

Project 365: Day 1

2010-01-21T15:52:00.002Z

Day 1 of 365.

I had this thought today that I've never really used my interest of photography very well. And I've looked at other people's projects before and have been hugely impressed by them, and I thought "I want to do that". So here I am trying this. I'm not totally sure if I'll be able to stay interested in doing this for a whole year though, but I'm sure as hell going to try.

So this is day one.

I have exams starting in a few days. So I'm supposed to be revising, however I have a pretty short attention span when it comes to things like that. Revision isn't something I can do easily, and I really don't enjoy doing it. I get easily distracted away from it. So today I'm trying to revise, whilst watching Bones. I really love Bones a lot, and this I often find myself watching it instead of doing what I am supposed to be doing, even though I've already seen every episode at least once.

I think I'm really going to enjoy doing this.

xxx

100 (minus a few) questions

2010-01-21T13:43:00.002Z

1. How old will you be in five years? 23.

2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today? Erm noone yet.

3. How tall are you? 5'4".

4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks? Next weekend :)

5. What's the last movie you saw? Harry Potter and the Half Blooded Prince, I think.

6. Who was the last person you called? Security.

7. Who was the last person to call you? Gary.

8. What was the last text message you received? "Yeah well im hopin 4 a nice dream 2nite of u, hopefully we aint bein chased 2nite. I guess if i dont sleep now i wont b asleep long enough 2 get a dream of us going, so i guess i should call it a night now. Hav a great sleep, and a very sweet dream :) nite nite xx"

9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail? Noone has.

10. Do you prefer to call or text? Text. Unless it's with Gary, then I love the calls.

11. What were you doing at 12am last night? Watching Glee.

12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced? Married.

13. When is the last time you saw your mum? 3rd January.

14. What colour are your eyes? Blue/green?

15. What time did you wake up today? Originally at 7am, then again at 10am, and finally at almost midday.

16. What are you wearing right now? Pj bottoms and a t-shirt and slippers.

17. What is your favorite Christmas song? Wizzard - I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday.

18. Where is your favourite place to be? On a beach.

19. Where is your least favorite place to be? I don't know...

20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere? Finland, Australia, Canada...

21. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years? I really have no idea. Hopefully a really good job and in a good relationship, maybe married? Maybe kids?

22. Do you tan or burn? Burn, then tan.

23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? I didn't think anything was going to get me.

24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh? Matthew Paul...

25. How many TVs do you have in your house? 4, maybe 5.

26?

27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer? Laptop.

28. Do you sleep with or without clothes on? With clothes on.

29. What color are your sheets? Like a very pale blue.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2.

31. What is your favorite season? Summer.

32. What do you like about Autumn? Pretty colours.

33. What do you like about winter? Christmas. Cuddling up with special people to stay warm.

34. What do you like about the summer? The weather. Pretty clothes. Clothes. BEACH :)

35. What do you like about spring? Flowers.

36. How many counties have you lived in? Two. Cambridgeshire and Norfolk.

37. What cities/towns have you lived in? Wisbech, Southsea. But Terrington is a village though.

38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet? Socks...slippers.

39. Are you a social person? I can be with the right people.

40. What was the last thing you ate? An apple.

41. What is your favourite restaurant? I don't have one.

42. What is your favourite ice cream? I really liked vanilla dairyland...

43. What is your favorite dessert? Ice Cream :)

44. What is your favourite kind of soup? Tomato.

45. What kind of jelly do you like? The nice flavoured ones.

46. Do you like Chinese food? It's okay.

47. Do you like coffee? Yes.

48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average? Very few.

49. What do you drink in the morning? Tea or coffee.

51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed? Nope.

52. Do you know how to play Poker? Nope.

53. Do you like to cuddle? Yes :)

54. Have you ever been to Canada? No.

55. Do you have an addictive personality? I don't think so.

56. Do you eat out or at home more often? Home.

57?

58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? Yes.

59. Do you want kids? Maybe some day.

60. Do you speak any other languages? French. Some Russian.

61. Have you ever gotten stitches? Yep.

62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? No.

63. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool? Ocean, always :)

64. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seat? Window.

65. Do you know how to drive? No.

66. What is your favourite thing to spend money on? Clothes.

67. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7? Yes, my locket and earrings.

68. What is your favourite TV show? Bones.

69. Can you roll your tongue? Yes.

70. Who is the funniest person you know? Matthew Paul.

71. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? At home I do.

72. What is the main ring tone on your phone? Amanda Somerville - Moth and Rise Against - Hero Of War.

73. Do you still have clothes from when you were little? I don't think so.

74. What red object is closest to you right now? An elastic band.

75. Do you turn off the water while you brush your teeth? Yes.

76. Do you sleep with your wardrobe doors open or closed? Closed, if I leave them open I always think someone is standing there during the night o.O

77. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees? Bear.

78. Do you flirt a lot? I try not to anymore. Except with the boyfriend lol.

79. What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Sauce?

80. What is your favourite food? Pasta.

81. Can you change the oil on a car? Probably not.

82. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? No.

83. Have you ever run out of fuel? Nope.

84. What is your usual bedtime? Whenever I feel like it.

85. What was the last book you read? Course books; Criminology by Tim Newburn and Criminal Justice: An introduction to crime and the criminal justice system by Peter Joyce. But the last book I read for fun was The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown.

86. Do you read the newspaper? Nope.

87. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? No.

88?

89. Do you watch soap operas? No.

90. Do you dance in the car? Sometimes. Depends who I'm with lol.

91. What radio station did you last listen to? Erm I don't usually listen to the radio. Maybe BBC Cambridgeshire when The Brink were on it.

92. Who is in the picture frame closest to you? I don't have any framed, but the closed photo is of me and Gary.

93. What was the last note you scribbled on a piece of paper? Notes for my feminism essay.

94. What is your favourite candle scent? A nice one.

95. What is your favourite board game? Hmm I don't know.

96. When was the last time you attended church? Christmas.

97?

98. Who was your favourite teacher in school? Erm at primary it was Mr Woods, secondary it was Miss Bank and I didn't have one at sixth form.

99. What is the longest you have ever camped out in a tent? A couple days.

100. What is something that you can't wait for? Summer :)

Last night...

2009-12-16T15:51:00.002Z

It was seriously wow!

He picked me up from home at half past 5 and we went onto Spoons. His driving was pretty scary tbh but I felt totally safe with him. I was so nervous before hand, and when he first arrived I was pretty shy, but within a few minutes I was totally relaxed with him. He wouldn't let me buy my own drink there, and he was opening doors for me and stuff. We talked a lot, then decided to go see a film. So we saw 2012, which weren't too bad, but I was very aware that I was sitting next to an incredibly hot guy the whole way through, so I was kinda distracted. He also wouldn't let me pay for my cinema ticket. When the film ended, it was freezing cold outside, and I was shivering real bad, so he was kinda holding me close to keep me warm. We then went back to Spoons where he bought me another drink. Then it got to the point where he had to take me home, and I actually really didn't want to leave him. But he took me home, and he kissed me. Like a pretty intense kiss that was just sooo good. He tasted like mint and cider lol. And then asked if I'd like to do that again sometime, then left. And that was it. The night was over.

And he has literally just asked me to go out with him tomorrow as well.

I'm just so happy right now :)

xxx

No date?

2009-12-14T14:41:00.002Z

He's ill.

So he's had to cancel it for tonight.

Instead he's suggested just having tomorrow afternoon onwards together and just doing whatever we feel like.

I quite like that idea :)

xxx

Date?

2009-12-13T22:54:00.001Z

I have a date tomorrow night?

I have no idea what to wear.

Ohhmygodd.

I'm so excited/nervous!!

xxx

Twoo days to go :)

2009-12-10T20:12:00.005Z

There's 3 pregnant women. The 1st women says "I did it on my side so I'm gonna have a baby boy." The 2nd women says "I did it on my back so I'm gonna have a baby girl." Then they see the blonde crying and they ask what's the matter and she says "I'm gonna have puppies."

I'm soo stupidly tired. I keep having really vivd dreams about a few things I'd rather not think about. So that when I finally do fall asleep, I keep waking. It's horrible. I've not had a decent night's sleep for a while.

But despite that; I'm really excited to be coming homee in like two days :) I can't wait to see people. And it'll be amazing to just be able to sleep in my own bed again. I really should start packing lol. Whoop!! :)

I'm missing The Brink at the met lounge tonight. Which is slightly disappointing. But I'm seeing them next Friday and the Sunday after that, which I really can't wait for. I've missed seeing them nearly more than I've missed my family!! Lol :) check them out: www.myspace.com/thebrinkband :)

So yeah, that's almost a completely positive post haha.

Much love, xxx

8/12/09

2009-12-09T00:28:00.002Z

Just bare with me here. I just need to write, so God knows if this will make any sense.

I've hardly slept in days. Sunday night I had about four hours, last night I had roughly five. I know it's really not healthy and I'm so exhausted it's rediculous. It's now half past midnight and I can't sleep.

I had to go to court today for my seminar. It was actually quite interesting to begin with. Got shown around and things were explained to us. And the judge was a really nice guy. So I was beginning to think that maybe it was worth me having to get up an extra hour early for this special seminar.

They had a list of cases going on in different courts, and we were to sit in on one of them. Of course our tutor didn't want to put us into one that would be boring, but he also didn't want to put us into something "traumatic" like murder (btw there weren't actually any murder cases on, that was just an example he gave us). So he chose for us to go into a case which was only on it's second day, so we'd have a chance to see a case which had only just begun. It was a sexual abuse case, where a step-father figure had abused a young boy throughout the 80s and the boy had only came to the police about this last year. We went into the court and the abused was called to the stand and they showed his initial interview with the police on a screen for the jury to see. The abuser was in a glass box at the back of the court. They showed the video for about an hour. And I was trying so hard not to cry. It really made me think. There was this guy who had been abused so long ago, being brave and standing infront of the courts and telling the jury what had happened to him. And I was thinking how there was no chance that I would ever be able to do that. How the guy who tried to rape me will never be sentenced because I would never be able to stand in front of the court and say what had happened to me. So he will just go free. And fuck knows, maybe he will attempt it with some other girl, maybe he already has., but I can't face him. After they showed that part of the video, we all went out for a break. And my tutor was asking us about how we were finding it, I just felt faint. The abuser was free to just walk about during this break as well, he came right by us and I was actually so scared. It was one of those times where I was scared into silence. They went back in after the break to see how the rest of the trial would go about today. I couldn't. I couldn't go back in there and listen to more of that. I couldn't stand how his abuse was making me think of my attack. And it scared me so badly.

I've not been able to think of anything else all day. And I just wanted a big hug from Gary, which clearly I couldn't have since it's so far between us. He asked me what was up, but I just told him I didn't want to talk about it. I just needed him here :(

I hate feeling like this, I just don't know what to do with myself. Everyone else was actually excited that we were getting to sit in such a high profiled case. I just couldn't wait to be out of there. I actually don't want to have to see my tutor again because I know he noticed that I'd gone pale and silent when we came out. I don't want questions.

Ugh I want to go home now please.

xxx

~ twirly whirly ~

2009-12-05T00:44:00.004Z

I'd rather eat my soup with a fork

Or drive a cab to New York

Cause to talk to you is harder work

So what's the point in wasting all my words

If it's just the same, or even worse

Than reading poems to a horse

Shakira: Poem To A Horse

Ahh man, this totally sums up what it's like trying to talk to Michael atm. It's not good and I really hate it. But what can I do. He's being a right twat, and I can't change that no matter how much I hate it. Godd, I miss him.

I actually have nothing to report on here :/ like I have absolutely no idea what to write. But I hadn't been on here for a while so I figured I should post something...

Whooop!

xxx

Complicatedd

2009-11-27T22:12:00.004Z

So maybe it's true

That I can't live without you

And maybe two is better than one

There's so much time

To figure out the rest of my life

And you've already got me coming undone

And I'm thinking two is better than one

Boys Like Girls ft Taylor Swift: Two Is Better Than One

Don't you just hate complications.

Don't you just hate it when you feel like hating your best friend?

I had an early(ish) night last night. I felt like shit, so I just went to bed at about half 11. I got a text like just before 1am, woke me up. I saw it was from Zoe, and actually told me phone to leave me alone. But then felt really guilty when I saw she was really upset and how much she wanted me there because I was the only person who could make her feel better. I was just like awh bless, so went about trying to make her feel a bit better. Then she nicely tagged on the end "btw i slept in the same bed as mike and kissed him while i was with ben sorry ***** iunno what came over me.Sorry forgive me XxXxxxx"

So naturally that pissed me off majorly. My best friend and my ex. My ex who I've been wanting so much recently. But she didn't know that. As far as she's aware, I've moved on from him completely, so I just carried on letting her think that. But at least that explains why he has been kinda distant with me recently.

She's a babe, and I'm actually pleased she told me. I'm glad we've remained so close even though we're so far apart. And he's such a good friend, because he was just comforting her. I've realised now that although I hate that it happened, it really didn't mean anything. And they both still mean so much to me.

So yeah, I still want him. But I've totally accepted that I can't have him. Stupid, eh? If I'd just said yes to him a few weeks ago, I wouldn't be having this problem now...

xxx

Letter #2

2009-11-24T08:54:00.002Z

Hey Mr ** hott rock star **

I think even you've probably noticed how things have become different between us recently. Like how when I first came here, I just had to talk to you everyday. So we ended up talking everyday about any random thing. And I felt us getting closer; I really liked that. Because I really liked you. But now, things have changed. I guess you felt that when you asked if I still wanted you to take me out. But I said "yes" so everything should've been back on track. But it's not. I know it's not, and I guess you know that too.

I've only ever mentioned my ex to you once. Remember that? I was trying to stop one of my friends from hurting him. And you asked something about him not being a nice person. And I jumped straight back in defending him; "No, he's not. He's a lovely person." I stand by that 100%. Because he is such a good person. And too good for me for certain.

Maybe that was a clue to you that I still liked him. Maybe not. I don't really know. But it was definately a clue to me that I really liked him.

He still likes me. He didn't hesitate in telling me that. Up until that point I thought I knew I wanted you. But when he told me he still had feelings for me, that bought back my old feelings for him. I never stopped liking him. I just moved on and let myself like someone else at the same time.

But me and him. Our relationship was pretty intense. And not something I can easily put behind me.

He wants me back. He made that very clear. And when I told him now wasn't the right time for that, he couldn't understand. Because I told him in a way that was open to us getting back together in the future. I couldn't say "no" to him. And when I tried, it was a "I wish we could go back too, BUT..." and that's not turning someone down at all.

Especially when I was lying in bed one night and I just really wanted him there. And I told him that. And it seemed like we'd managed to go back to how we were, just by me saying that one thing. Then he stopped texting me, and you came back from a gig and started. That's when you asked me out. And I said "yes" whilst totally aware of where my true feelings were.

But I told myself it was just a relapse. I'm not going back to him. And that was just the final thing I needed to get out of my system.

However, I ended up doing pretty much the same thing the next night. Texted him asking him to warm me up. And again going back to how we were. But again, after he stopped texting, you came back from another gig and started. And when I mentioned being cold, you said how you wished you were here with me to warm me up. Made me realise everything I've been doing is just leading you on.

I want you; but I want him more.

So although I won't be getting back with him, at least I can't see it happening, I'm still not sure if this is right for us. Especially if I'm not totally into it.

I'm back home in less than 3 weeks, and sure I want to see you. But right now, I don't know if I want to see you like as a date, or just a friend. And I'm sorry. Things are just pretty much messed up right now...

So sorry I've treated you so badly.

xxx

This was the second letter I wrote. Clearly not to the same person as the last, but one that I still couldn't send to him. How can I tell him all that through a letter?? That's just another thing I have to do face to face. And yet another thing that is so messed up :/

I wish things were simple again...

xxx

Letter #1

2009-11-24T00:15:00.004Z

Hey darling :)

I'm just gunna say a few things, which will most likely give you more of a reason to totally blank me, but it only seems fair to say.

Everything I've said to you recently I've meant. That I wanted you, that I missed you, that it bad of me to...All of it, because I don't lie to you. In an ideal world, I would still really like for you to be here with me, but that's not gunna happen. I'm home in less than three weeks and I just need to be sure I'm doing the right thing before then. Because I'm really gunna end up hurting someone if it's all wrong...

Y'know when you first started talking to me again, and I mentioned that guy, Gary, and about how he wasn't going to do anything because of the distance. But that I wanted him to. Well he did. He asked me to let him take me out when I'm home. And he's really excited about me coming back.I'm not though. I mean, I said yes to him. But it was like an automatic responce, like it seemed like the right thing to say, even if I didn't actually want to. Which is totally wrong of me. My best friend wants this for me more than I do for myself.

Because I just want you.

Beckii...She added you because I found myself telling her about you, she was curious I guess. She wanted to know more about the guy I really liked. But I can't blame her for looking out for me, although she totally don't get anything, so much as I love her I've not even told her that. She wouldn't understand.

So yeah, I seem to find myself in bed too often just thinking. Normally I end up with little arguements in my head. Like when I'm just thinking about you and how good everything was, I'll have this voice telling me it's wrong to think that. Because I shouldn't be thinking about you. I should be thinking about him. After all, he's the guy who I'm supposedly seeing now.

Babe, some things just suck, right? Recently it would be how I've treated you. How I told you I don't think it's right for us to be together, followed by everything I said late at night about wanting you. And now how I'm telling you this. Except I'm not because I'm too chicken to actually send it to you. But it will be somewhere, and if you ever come across it, then believe me when I say I'm sorry.

I didn't want it to go this way.

Do you have any idea how much I wish to be with you right now. I don't mean as in being your girlfriend. I mean literally being with you in Sheffield. Because I need to see you. And I think this would be so much easier to tell you face to face.

I need you in my life.

That's why I wanted us to be friends again. Even after everything, and how bad you made me feel. I still couldn't lose you completely. Babe, don't you see that? Please don't cut me out of your life again.

I miss you so badly.

I want you so much more.

Much love, gorgeous
xxxxxxxxxxxx

I was actually going to send this to him, but decided against it last minute. It's all true, especially when I say I need to see him. When I do, that is when he will know all that he needs to. It's wrong to let him know like this :/

I feel terrible right now :(

xxx

:'(

2009-11-23T21:13:00.002Z

I pretty much lost an entire weekend of my life. Saturday morning I went shopping, was great :) I've missed proper shopping. Got back, ended up with some person having a go at me and calling me a racist bitch, because I was too busy to talk to him. So I wasn't too impressed. And from about 1:30pm onwards I was drinking, up to the point that I ended up in bed. I woke up Sunday at roughly half 12ish, and by 1 I was already drinking again. All weekend I didn't have a single non-alcoholic drink. That's bad...

I felt shit this morning :/

And I think I've now lost Michael completely. I don't want to have done. But he won't talk to me :'( and that kinda depresses me more than it should. And I've got no alcohol to numb the pain atm...

FML.

xxx

Irrational fears?

2009-11-20T23:58:00.002Z

So I'm talking to a friend atm, and he's just said a chav started abusing him because he has long hair, and his response was to just laugh at him.

I had these two black guys come up to me today, just randomly started talking to me and asked for my number. I was petrified of them. I really thought they were going to do something to me :/ luckily there was this old man who noticed my discomfort and just stood and a distance and watched to make sure they did nothing. But I was still so scared.

So those two things from today, have made me realise that I have some very irrational fears. Such as black men and chavs...It's really not normal, I know. But then I'm also scared of being near windows on the ground floor when it's dark outside but light inside.

So yeah, I'm not normal...

xxx

Memory...

2009-11-20T01:09:00.002Z

I was studying about this today in psychology. But this actually has nothing to do with my lecture. Or my scary mad lecturer. I was talking to Gary, he's from the town I lived in when I was very little. And he mentioned something about it, and I had suddenly remembered this really dodgy thing.

We lived in a very small house back in Wisbech. You'd walk though the front door to the hall way, on the right was a kitchen, straight on was the living room. From the living room you could walk straight out onto the garden. The staircase was in the living room, right by the doorway to outside. Up the stairs, there was no landing, it went straight onto the bedroom. The only bedroom. Cross the bedroom, and you'd go into the bathroom. And that was it; 4 rooms and a hallway. Before we moved, there were 6 of us living there. Mum, dad, me, my two sisters and my brother. Me and one of my sisters shared a bunkbed under the window in the bedroom. My other sister and brother had cots, in the same room. Mum and dad slept in the living room. It wasn't exactly ideal. All the houses on the Close were the same, however they weren't family homes. The couple one side nextdoor were childless. The other side was an old couple, who we came to know as "Nanny&Grandad-nextdoor". And despite how it wasn't good for us living there, it was somewhere I had gotten used to.

When I first found out we were moving house, I was excited, as though it was some kind of adventure. I told all my friends, and even at that age I thought we would be friends forever, staying in contact with them always. But that never happened. Honestly, I wouldn't even be able to tell you most of their names right now. School for that one year was good. The library was in a tower block. Or at least you had to go up some stairs, when I was that little it may have just seemed like a tower. In the playground there was a wooden ship to play on, which I remember really liking. I don't think I realised that moving house and school actually meant leaving that place behind.

But that's not quite the important part I remembered...

After we'd packed up and we were leaving our house for the final time, and we were driving on the main road towards Lynn. We only had a few personal stuff in the car with us. And by personal, I mean I had a colouring book and a doll with me. My siblings had other such stuff with them. We we just going down the road and I remember realising we were going to be living in a different place and thinking "now I'm going to have to remember a new way of getting to nanny and grandad's if I want to run away". I had perfectly remembered the route from our house to nanny and grandad's in case I ever wanted to leave home for some reason and stay with them instead. This was 3 months before I turned 5 years old.

Thinking back like that, makes me realise that my family life never seems to have been perfect. I mean, how could it have been if I was already wanting to run away at such a young age? I quickly did learn the new route to their house, and indeed to my other grandparents as well. I actually was pleased that we now seemed to be closer to them, so when I did run away it wouldn't be so far for me to run. In my naiveness I did believe that running away involved me having to run the whole way, so being closer seemed very good to me.

That random thought just kinda scared me I guess...

xxx

=/

2009-11-19T19:42:00.004Z

I wish I had an empty corner in my room, so I could just curl up in it and pretend I don't exist...
Kill me now.

xxx

Cough cough cough

2009-11-18T00:04:00.002Z

Still soo ill :( mega bad times (N) I got myself cough medicine since I still can't stop coughing. It's tastes revolting. But I'm hopeful that it will work :) I actually had to go to my seminar today, was a complusary one so I had no choice. But hey, for the first time since being here, I actually contributed something!! Even though my voice is soo dodgy that I sound nothing like myself atm. But yeah, I thinking I'm slowing making progress.

Question:
My of my boy_friends split up with his girlfriend the other night. And she wanted him back. He asked my advice, even with him knowing how messed up my own damn love-life is...So I tried to help him, and oh look they're now back together and happy again. How the fuck!? So I can fix their love-lifes, but not my own! How does that work out..??

Ugh, I hate this.

But y'know, shit happens.

And did you know that there are so many public interest factors involved in the prosecution process? Well neither did I. But I've done so much work today, that I now have over a page and a half of just the factors I found written down, and that's without explaining them. Did you know that I found researching about it very interesting, which nicely proves to me that I am definately on the right degree (Y). Love it :)

9am lecture tomorrow. I have to be up for it in about 6 and a half hours :/ great...Well I can see I'll be most likely sleeping through that lecture. Oh dear. I'm thinking I should go to bed now, so good night darlings.

xxx

X Factor, Shakira, and illness...

2009-11-17T00:16:00.002Z

Short convo between me and a friend that I find amusing:
Him: Did you see the X Factor on Sunday?
Me: I watched Shakira, then turned it off.
Him: Did you enjoy Shakira then?
Me: Yeah I did. But then, there's very little she does that I don't enjoy.
Him: But don't you think she's become too commercialised with her new music?
Me: Nahh, she's evolved. And even though that kind of music doesn't usually appeal to me, it's Shakira. And somehow I feel my music tastes have evolved with her.
Him: Riiiiight...
Me: Plus she can't stick with DELL style forever.
Him: What's dell..?
Haha once again, I assume that everyone understands the Shakira shorthand :P (DELL = Donde Estan Los Ladrones, if you're wondering).
I decided to just leave it at that before making him think I'm some kinda obsessed mega fan.

On the total downside, I'm still soooo ill. Sucks big time. In fact, the girl who didn't miss a single day off sixth form even when she had shingles and a chest infection that lead to pneumonia, had to take a day off from her lectures today! That's how bad I'm feeling. Spent most of the day in bed NOT SLEEPING because I find it so hard to sleep when I'm ill :/ plus I actually find it hard to sleep here in general with the fucking noisy neighbour I have...

...Who incidently has just came back from ANOTHER night out, with yet ANOTHER guy. And just as I was actually planning on going to sleep. Looks like that won't be happening for a while, even though I have to be up in less than 8 hours. I really don't like her :(

But anyways, I think I may try to sleep now regardless. Put my mp3 player on nice and loud to drown her out if I have to! Which btw, I really hope I don't have to...

Good night, xxx

Soooo ill

2009-11-16T01:04:00.002Z

It sucks big time :(
And I'm so tired, and really can't sleep because of this bloody illness.
Not happy right now.

And I'm really missing my friends.
I can't wait to see them :)

And woo to a pointless blog.

xxx

Fucked up in the head

2009-11-14T23:46:00.003Z

So it has actually been like forever since I've written on here :S which means I have like no idea where to start right now.

Instead of filling you in with the past few months, I'll just write about now. I'll allow those months to be a total mystery, which is probably for the better anyway.

I'm sitting in my pretty small uni room, listening to Bon Jovi sing possibly my most favourite song of all time. ALWAYS ♥ You know the only thing wrong with this amazing song? It makes me think. Think about a wonderful ex of mine. Stupid, eh? But consider this bit of it But baby if you give me just one more try We can pack up our old dreams And our old lives We'll find a place where the sun still shines. Michael wants me back. He pretty much said he wants to go back to how we were (back in those mystery months). But up until then I'd moved on. I seriously really liked this guy, Gary.

So a bit about this...

Gary and I had been getting pretty close before I moved about 200 miles away for uni. To be totally honest, I never thought anything serious could happen with me and him, but I did still really like him; I do still really like him. And everything was actually going pretty well considering the distance between us.

But then Michael...I started talking to him again like 2 months after our incredibly bad finish. I thought he hated me, but I hated the idea of leaving things so bad between us. So after a long cool off period, I thought maybe we could fix things...Simple, right? Wrong. Michael nicely fessed up to still liking me. And how he'd never stopped. Complicating my feelings for him again. But I thought, that's okay, he know's about Gary, so we can still be friends. A few days later, he asked if we can go back to how we were :/ and I told him no. I was certain that I wouldn't go back to him. And I thought how it's still all okay. We can still be friends.

One day last week, I was laying in bed, totally unable to sleep because I couldn't stop thinking about Michael. And about how I wasn't sure if I'd made the right decision. I mean what if Michael is the right guy for me? I found myself texting him telling him that I couldn't sleep because I couldn't stop thinking of him. And he found that cute...I told myself that was a one off relapse, and nothing like that would happen again.

Two nights ago, I was there in bed, and I guess I just wasn't thinking. I texted him. That I wanted him there. And I found myself slipping back into old ways with him. It was just so easy to do so. And it actually made me so happy.

But like a couple hours after I stopped texting him, Gary came back from a gig. And he asked me if i was still up for him taking me out when I was back home. I said yes.

And once again, I told myself that the Michael thing was me just slipping up, and it would not happen again.

In bed last night freezing cold. "Come warm me up? Please. xxxxx" To Michael. Again. Once again "slipping up". And then once again a few hours after I stopped texting Michael, Gary came back from another gig very drunk. And started talking about wanting to be here with me, and about taking me out.

I feel so bad right now.

I haven't spoken to either of them today.

Other than when I first woke up and texted Michael telling him I was disappointed he wasn't laying in bed next to me, because my dream lead me to believe he was there...But luckily he didn't reply, so I had no chance to go back to that.

I'm a bitch.

And I'm with Gary.

I've thought long about this. And I can't always go back to Michael every time he snaps his fingers. It's just not right to.

Ugh, I'm badly messed up...

xxx

Confuzzled

2009-08-08T21:38:00.002+01:00

He has a girlfriend...I'm not stupid, I know it means I can't have him. He's beautiful. I know the logic behind it, and I know the right thing is too back away, but I can't help thinking that she's not right for him. He belongs with me! So I'll just explain the last couple of weeks totally logically. Kinda.

He stopped talking to me. It must've been about 3(?) weeks ago. I had no idea why. Normally when he pulls stunts like that, he'll explain to me why he's doing it when I ask...This time, nothing. He drove me mad. I knew he had a fresh girlfriend, so I origionally figured that was it. He was loved up with another girl, so felt the need to shut his previous love out. But as the days went by I started to worry it was something else. Maybe he actually hated me. It doesn't seem like a totally illogical idea to me. So I began to accept it. Started texting him less, I mean if I didn't try to talk to him as much, then I wouldn't be so disappointed when he ignored me, right? Well it didn't work. I thought about him all the time, and just wanted him to realise I was still here, and that I couldn't let go of him as easily as he did me.

Then I realised my birthday was drawing sooner. And I wanted him there at my party, and he knew I did. He'd already said he would come, but that was before he started acting like I didn't exist. So I kept trying to ask him. His lack of an answer was doing my head in. I kept crossing him off my list. Then adding him back on. It was very confusing for my family to see this random person changing their mind so often, but in reality I was changing my mind about wanting him there.

A few days ago, I was complaining about him to my little brother. He said he'll try texting him for me, but without saying who he was. At this point I just felt so desperate that I was willing to try anything. So I agreed to it. A few mins after Nik sent his message, he got a reply. I was furious. Why could he talk to an unknown person, but NOT ME? Nik mentioned my party, asked him if he was going, he replied saying he would be if he could get a lift and asked who else was going. Once again I was not impressed, why couldn't he ask me that? Nik replied saying that he would have to ask me...But nothing...

Much later that night, I was laying in bed, totally unable to sleep. He was on my mind so much, and I was so angry with him. At that point, I only wanted him to come to my party so I could slap him. I couldn't sleep, that's how much I was thinking of him. So for the first time in days, I texted him..."I hate that I can't sleep. And I hate that it's because of you. (But I don't hate you) xx"...And he replied! I was in huge shock, but I took that as my opportunity. He explained that he didn't hate me, but didn't explain what had been going on. But I actually didn't mind. He was speaking to me, that's all I cared about. In fact, when he seemed to be overly friendly, I didn't even notice straight away. But he added so many kisses and was talking about seeing me like he actually cared. For a moment I believed he was single again. Anyway we spoke until the very early hours in the morning, and I only got about 4 hours sleep that night. But I didn't care. I had him back.

The next day, I had to check. I went onto his facebook and saw that he does still have a girlfriend, and she seems incredibly happy. He had said to me the night before that he was only just still "hanging in there" with life, so I know he's still depressed. I kinda felt briefly sorry for her, since he so obviously doesn't want her, but then decided it's her own fault if she gets hurt...She shouldn't be so blind to his hurt, and should let him be happy.

I actually decided I wasn't going to text him first that next day, just in case it was a fluke, and he was going to go back to ignoring me. But he texted me and we had a decent conversation. He still cares, I could tell that much. And I stupidly felt every feeling I had for him, that I had pushed away in the past couple weeks, coming back. I still care for him more than I want him to know. And the next days after this were the same. He has spoken to me first every day since then, and you know what, even though he's still with her, I have hope. I miss him, and he misses me. Other people can see it, so why isn't he?

Anyway, it's actually my party tomorrow. He'll be there. And as one of my best friend's said, "it's your birthday, it shouldn't matter that he has a girlfriend, go for it" and you know what? I think I actually may. I want to see him first, see how he acts towards me, see if in person his feelings appear so apparent. But I'm pretty sure they will. And even if I don't go for it, and we do only remain friends, I'm lucky to have him in my life, I know that. I never want to lose him.

xxxxx

)':

2009-07-21T22:07:00.002+01:00

You know what? Life sucks. And it's way out of my control. If it's a friend that's making life hard, then cut them out and after a while you'll be fine. But what can you do with family. No matter what, they will be a part of your life, and you can't change that.

Today has been bad.

Why can't everyone just stop arguing. Can't they see that they are making things ever so hard for me to live here. I keep getting pushed closer and closer to the edge. I don't want to be here. Truth be told, sometimes I have thoughts that are wrong. "Have you ever looked out of a window, and wondered how much it would hurt if you jumped out?" I can't help myself.

Even Adam isn't making me happy. It's just not right.

x x

Smileeyyy

2009-07-19T22:08:00.002+01:00

So possibly -THE- hottest guy -EVER- added me on flickr, and commented on several pictures of me, saying how gorgeous I look (: that's a huuuge confidence boost in itself. I have found myself a new love haha.
And just things have been getting better guy-wise. I mean I'm still single, but I just feel better. Their are hot, single, guys everywhere, and I'm only just realising it now. I'm finally opening my eyes!
And I have a pact with a friend I love dearly. He's looking for his future wife, I'm looking for my future husband...If we can't find them, then we'll find each other at the church...He'll be the one at the alter, and I'll be the one in the gorgeous dress. Perfect.

I love dreadlocks <3

x x

Arranged marriages aren't seeming so bad

2009-07-18T21:38:00.002+01:00

So I keep seeing all these loved up couples, and I just keep thinking "I want that!"

And I wondered why I can't have that.

But it's obvious, when you think about it.

I never go for the safe guys.

I mean, look at Michael. I've been after him for like a year, and look where that's got me. No-fucking-where. He's the least safe person, in the idea that I never knew where I stood with him, and that I always put up with so much shit from him. And now I'm single, and he has a girlfriend, who isn't me.

And before him, Paav. I thought he was perfect. We were engaged for fuck's sake. That one seemed so safe to me back then. And he cheated on me. Broke my heart; he was the first person to do so. We're friends now though, which isn't too bad.

But, looking back, neither of my two loves were actually any good for me.

And I was thinking, my family knows what's best for me...Something that I clearly don't yet. Maybe if I want a successful relationship, they should pick the guy for me...I know for certain, they would never have picked Michael or Paav for me.

Family arranging a marriage for you, has never seemed like such a good idea to me, as it is right now...

x x

Only I could make myself look this stupid

2009-07-17T21:28:00.002+01:00

Of course he's not ignoring me.
Regardless to what I obviously assumed.
Of course he's just working, and has been obviously for every spare moment for over a week.
How could I forget his work hours are that long.
Of course I was jumping to conclusions.
And of course I should "just.. caaaalm" - wonderful advice that.
But babe, much as I care for you, and want to believe you, you are possibly the biggest bullshitter I know.
If you don't want to talk to me, just say so, I much prefer the truth right now.
I feel so stupid.
x x

Babysitting...

2009-07-16T10:42:00.000+01:00

...A shrew...
Damning that cat of mine for bringing it home.
Trying to get it to eat.
I WILL MAKE IT SURVIVE!
It's so cute...
x x

Why do I take so many photos!?

2009-07-10T13:10:00.002+01:00

Sorting them all out on flickr...There's already over 8000 on there, which I now have completely sorted out, but I have so many pictures that still need to be uploaded to be sorted out. For the first time ever I'm regretting taking so many. Eg the Festival Too pictures have now been uploading for like 2 hours, and are now 25% done!! It's so slow to upload...

x x

Then you feel so low, you can't feel nothing at all

2009-07-08T21:34:00.003+01:00

Once upon a time, I believe it was a Tuesday
When I caught your eye
And we caught onto something,
I hold on to the night
You looked me in the eye and told me you loved me

Were you just kidding? 'Cause it seems to me
This thing is breaking down, we almost never speak
I don't feel welcome anymore
Baby, what happened? Please tell me'
Cause one second it was perfect
Now you're halfway out the door

And I stare at the phone and he still hasn't called
And then you feel so low, you can't feel nothin' at all
And you flashback to when he said, forever and always
Oh, oh

Oh, and it rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone
'Cause I was there when you said forever and always

Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest
That made you run and hide like a scared little boy?
I looked into your eyes, thought I knew you for a minute
Now I'm not so sure

So here's to everything, coming down to nothing
Here's to silence that cuts me to the core
Where is this going? Thought I knew for a minute
But I don't anymore

And I stare at the phone and he still hasn't called
And then you feel so low, you can't feel nothin' at all
And you flashback to when he said forever and always
Oh, oh

Oh, and it rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone
'Cause I was there when you said forever and always
You didn't mean it, baby, I don't think so
Oh, oh

Oh, back up, baby, back up, did you forget everything?
Back up, baby, back up, did you forget everything?

'Cause it rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone
'Cause I was there when you said forever and always

Oh, I stare at the phone and he still hasn't called
And then you feel so low, you can't feel nothin' at all
And you flashback to when we said forever and always!

And it rains in your bedroom, and everything is wrong
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone
'Cause I was there when you said forever and always
You didn't mean it, baby, you said forever and always ya

♥

God, I miss him so much. But I'm no longer feeling the pain. I thought this song just summed us up perfectly )':

x x

The Brink

2009-07-06T21:18:00.002+01:00

Are possibly the most amazing band EVER. I saw them for the second time, Saturday night. Last year I was really far back, so despite the awesome sound, I couldn't really see them. This year, me, my sister and a friend, got there 3 hours before they started playing, so we could be right at the front. And it was the best decision we could've made. I took some really good pictures of them and The Hoodwinks playing, and a couple of okay videos. And omg Alex (the guitarist) is soooo hot. And I got a picture (and a hug) from Matt, the singer. And Matt has literally just added me on facebook ♥ ... We (my sister and I) were sooo drunk, by the time Bay City Rollers were on, neither of us could take a proper picture. Festival Too just made my whole month haha (:

x x

It's strange how things change so quickly

2009-07-03T22:21:00.002+01:00

Sometimes it's good. But other times I hate it.
Today I hated it.

I was happy. Last day I will ever have to go to school, other than to collect results, and to celebrate a load of us went to Spoons, which would have been so much better if (a) I wasn't underage; and (b) I wasn't so damn bored there. But still, I was happy. I was even happy after a few of them decided to go bowling, and I went with them, resulting in me being soaked from the rain. I cant bowl, though, so instead of making a fool of myself, I chose to watch. And I honestly didn't mind that - I was freezing and hurting all over, but still I didn't mind, I had my own personal radiator ;). But then a couple other people turned up, and I lost him to them, it sucks how he can't be good to me in front of everyone. That's when the happiness faded, just that quickly. But who cares, right? After we left them and went back to Spoons, he was mega nice to me. And I had that small glimmer of hope back again (and a voice yelling "No, don't fall for it, you'll only get hurt again!"), and then he left me, and I didn't know how to feel. God, I'm so messed up right now. Why do I fall for his smile every time? And why is it that every time he looks into my eyes (he has the most beautiful eyes), I lose the ability to think? It's just not fair.

Now I feel terrible. But strangely, it has nothing to do with him.

I'm so sunburnt from yesterday. I mean, not just slightly pink, but I've changed colour completely. Every bit of skin that was visible yesterday is a shade of red, except my arms which are now a pinky brown. Whenever I lie down, my back hurts. And having had the final injection for the HPV thing today, my arm aches incredibly to move. I'm guessing it must be all the sunburn that's actually making me feel ill though. I feel so dizzy all the time, and like I move and just kinda collapse down. It's really horrible. I'm hoping I feel better once I've slept, which is exactly what I'm gunna go do now...

x x

I wanna escape the world

2009-07-01T22:02:00.002+01:00

And be by myself. Or just not be at all.

Last night, was as far as I'm concerned, a comlpete disaster. Sure the film was good, and I was with people I liked (and a few I didn't know) and tbh it seemed like it would be a really good night out. But no. It never goes quite the way you want it to. Why can't people just listen to me!? If they had've done, things would've run a lot smoother, and maybe it would have been a successful night out. I was just so pissed off by the end of it. Just wanted to leave. I was actually tempted to just walk myself home those 5 miles, rather than waiting for them to hurry up and give me a lift back.

Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!

I couldn't even sleep last night. What's with the temperature here being hotter than it is in Spain!? I mean, during the day I love it. But at night, I just want to sleep, and I can't. Being in the loft, with no windows, sure does have it's disadvantages sometimes. It only got to a sensible "me-being-able-to-consider-sleeping" temperature at about 5 this morning. Meaning I got the whole of about 3 hours sleep. And since today was even hotter than yesterday, I'm fucked tonight...And not even in the good way. ):

I'm gunna be like a bloody zombie tomorrow. So if anyone actually does know me, and is reading this, I apologise now for not being alive tomorrow. I don't actually want to go though. Today, my stalker made me realise just how unsafe I feel away from family, and away from the one person outside of family who knows. And since he's no longer going out with us, and family definately isn't coming, I'm scared. What if my stalker finds me, and realises just how easy it would be to take me from my friends. Fuck, they probably wouldn't even notice tbh. That's why I don't want to go. Much as I feel terrible right now, I can't stand the idea of him winning and having me. I'd rather be dead than have him touch me again. Please, just let my one person come, so I can feel safe. Else I'm so tempted to cancel, and just not go at all. And stay here with my mum, where I know he can't get to me through her.

I'm actually crying now...

I can't be dealing with this. It's kinda late, but I'm putting off going to my room. I mean I'm not going to sleep anyway, so what's the point. Even if it weren't so hot up there, with everything on my mind I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. But I am gunna go. Just because if I write anymore, I'll go mad thinking about it.

x x

Ahhhh babbeeeeyyy

2009-06-29T14:29:00.001+01:00

It's sunny and I'm happppeeeeyyy (:
For like no reason, other than I am.
I'm just enjoying this while is lasts.
Smile people - it makes everything seem better (:
x x

I liked being hated better

2009-06-28T17:29:00.002+01:00

It was so much easier to deal with.
I find out he still likes me a lot and I can't cope with it.
It's made me wanna cry.
Because I really like him still.
And I know given the chance, I would go straight back to him.
And I know that that can only lead to me being hurt again.
He is the only person who can make me truly happy, but he is also one of the only people who can make me wanna disappear.
God, why does he have so much control over me.
I want him so bad.
And I know I can't tell my friends or family that - they'd never understand. They know how badly he's hurt me. They will never understand how I can still love him after all of that.
I'm gunna have to think about this, before running back to him like I always do...
x x

Best hangover cure?...Keep drinking...

2009-06-27T11:16:00.000+01:00

And then you'll forget that you were hungover (: - tomorrow is gunna kill...
Last night was amazing.
It's not every night you can get away with acting like the biggest whore around, and not have anyone think anything of it.
You're just jealous you couldn't do it too.
The idea was that I wasn't gunna drink; I mean I took no money or ID for the bar so I couldn't buy any.
But I had drinks bought for me of course.
Some kinda cider, Strongbow, Mallibu and coke...
So much so, my 4 inch black heals were getting hard to walk in - and they are the easiest things to walk in that I own!
MS didn't know what he was missing out on til he saw me.
I looked gooood, even if I do say so myself - how else do you think I got my free drinks.
Lets see, drinks from TB, JC and JC (haha didn't realise they had the same initials...) and danced with JC, TB, JC, TP...Slow dance with MS's close friend, JA...
My aim to make MS hurt apparently worked as well, which I'm psyched about.
TP: "He doesn't know what he's missing out on, you look stunning, he's a twat..." - Awh thank you muchily (:
Everytime I walked anywhere near him, he walked off.
I didn't attempt to talk to him, and he didn't with me...He wasn't worth my time.
But my god he looked hot.
You're beautiful
Every little piece, love
Don't you know you're really gonna be someone,
Ask anyone
When you find everything you've looked for
I hope your life leads you back to my door
Oh, but if it don't
Stay beautiful
And I still think of him too much.
And I still want him to realise what he did to me, and say something.
But last night was not the time for that...If it was then it would've happened.
I've accepted that he hates me, and I'm now gunna have to learn to live with that.
Ah well, enough for now.
Much love, x x

Billie Jean

2009-06-26T12:50:00.000+01:00

...is not my lover
Shes just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the
kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son...
♥
RIP Michael Jackson.
May you live forever through your music.
You will never be forgotten.
Only the good die young
Too young to die.
I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself,
And then make a change
♥

You're just jealous

2009-06-25T22:02:00.000+01:00

I wish my life was as perfect as yours.
I wish that when he said he cared, he meant it.
And when he said he loved me, it was true.
MS - I still love you.
I want to forget him.
Someone find me a hot, single guy to take my mind off him.
I need a distraction.
...
He's a twat and I need to be over him.
I wanna be happy again.

Blogging...

2009-06-25T11:53:00.000+01:00

So this seemed like the best way to do things. I'm just an average girl. I just want to go into hiding, and have noone be aware of who I am. But I want people to remember I am still here. I am still that girl they once knew, and I do have feelings too - I have too many feelings.

Give me a chance to be me for once.

Just let me have a chance to write everything out as it happens, and I may be able to see things clearly for the first time. I would love to be truely happy.

I love fakeness...

Much love, x x