I wanna escape the world

And be by myself. Or just not be at all.

Last night, was as far as I'm concerned, a comlpete disaster. Sure the film was good, and I was with people I liked (and a few I didn't know) and tbh it seemed like it would be a really good night out. But no. It never goes quite the way you want it to. Why can't people just listen to me!? If they had've done, things would've run a lot smoother, and maybe it would have been a successful night out. I was just so pissed off by the end of it. Just wanted to leave. I was actually tempted to just walk myself home those 5 miles, rather than waiting for them to hurry up and give me a lift back.

Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!

I couldn't even sleep last night. What's with the temperature here being hotter than it is in Spain!? I mean, during the day I love it. But at night, I just want to sleep, and I can't. Being in the loft, with no windows, sure does have it's disadvantages sometimes. It only got to a sensible "me-being-able-to-consider-sleeping" temperature at about 5 this morning. Meaning I got the whole of about 3 hours sleep. And since today was even hotter than yesterday, I'm fucked tonight...And not even in the good way. ):

I'm gunna be like a bloody zombie tomorrow. So if anyone actually does know me, and is reading this, I apologise now for not being alive tomorrow. I don't actually want to go though. Today, my stalker made me realise just how unsafe I feel away from family, and away from the one person outside of family who knows. And since he's no longer going out with us, and family definately isn't coming, I'm scared. What if my stalker finds me, and realises just how easy it would be to take me from my friends. Fuck, they probably wouldn't even notice tbh. That's why I don't want to go. Much as I feel terrible right now, I can't stand the idea of him winning and having me. I'd rather be dead than have him touch me again. Please, just let my one person come, so I can feel safe. Else I'm so tempted to cancel, and just not go at all. And stay here with my mum, where I know he can't get to me through her.

I'm actually crying now...

I can't be dealing with this. It's kinda late, but I'm putting off going to my room. I mean I'm not going to sleep anyway, so what's the point. Even if it weren't so hot up there, with everything on my mind I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. But I am gunna go. Just because if I write anymore, I'll go mad thinking about it.

x x